When in the course of human events it becomes clear that the prodigal son has wandered too far away from what is really best for him, it is necessary for said proverbial prodigal son to return home. When using the term "home," it should be recognized that the only home is mother England who knows what's best for her prodigal child. The current United States of America needs the United Kingdom now more than ever.
We hold these truths to be self-evident. That all men were created equal under their respective Creator, holding such inalienable rights. Rights such as the right to a job, the right to a house, but not just any house, a nice house with at minimum 1.5 bathrooms and 2 bedrooms for at least 2 people (if more than 2 people reside in said house, we just extrapolate these numbers to fit the right number of people), the right to healthcare (by healthcare, we mean free plastic surgery, free gastric by-pass, free operations, and free drugs whenever and where ever we need them), free clothes, free cable, free wi-fi, free coffee, free food, free bed-time stories, free massages, free transportion, and last but not least freedom from arms. We also left out security, because we also realize that freedom is totally overrated, and it's more important to be secure than free. It should also be understood that you wanted this for us from the get go, and we thought we knew better. Prior to 1776, you ran a pretty tight ship and people were very secure. Unfortunately, we fought in the most unnecessary war in this nation's history by fighting in the Revolutionary War (aka British Vietnam) and won (accidentally), and it took 11 years to draft the Constitution once we declared our independence. Think of all the lives lost in that senseless war led by early "American" terrorists George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, and Benjamin Franklin. Had we just used diplomacy and realized that the United Kingdom wanted what is best for us, we wouldn't be having the problems we have now under our current administration and our current economy.
The history of the current American president is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all screwing with our current economy/well-being. To prove this accusation, let us prove this to an entire cyber-world:
George W. Bush is a Nazi, a racist, and an elitist. He also destroyed our economy all by himself. It was all his fault, no one else but his. It wasn't the fault of banks lending to sub-prime lenders, it had nothing to do with people living outside of their means, it had nothing to do with a Congress that wanted to placate to their constituants, it had nothing to do with our own sense of wanting more and our "entitlement" lifestyle. It was 100% George Bush's fault, since he is the president and he makes all of the decisions.
George Bush is the reason for all of our problems. Government is benevolent and will only help others. We're not funding things enough under our current economy, ergo our current situation. It's the prime reason why the current United States of America should re-colonize and become part of Britain.
Under our current free market economy, we've royally (no pun intended) screwed up, and we realize the error of our ways. The free market just doesn't work anymore, and we believe that we are stronger together than we are apart. We would be 50 colonies strong for the United Kingdom, making us even more united under said current system.
We've had a Civil War. We clearly can't agree with our selves, as at one poit there were 3 seperate countries (not all at once) on this land (the Unites States, the Republic of Texas, and the Confederate States). We can't decide what's right for us, so we need you know.
Oh, and he also rapes babies and murders kittens (allegedley).
All in all, if you would be so inclined, these 50 states (which will become colonies if you see fit), would like to be absolved into the United Kingdom. Let's forget about the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812, and know that we will be ultimately better off under a United Kingdom. This declaration isn't an official declaration, but just the the ramblings of a mad man.
By the way United Kingdom, we're sorry, our bad, please forgive us and let us back in and make it all better.
Sincereley,
The United States
Brian Godleski
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election
Damn it, I really wanted to keep talking about my vacation. I really did, but it's Super Tuesday, and I need to talk about the election. So we'll take a brief pause on vaction and talk about my voting experience today.
I registered a few months ago, and the state of New York requires party registration (I registered as a Libertarian). So google-mapped (is that even a verb?) my poll location, and it's litterally a block and a half away. The polls opened at 6 am, and I got there about 7 am to vote. Talk about a complete cluster ####. People were litterally just herded into groups in there, and thank God I got there when I did. Had I gotten there later, I would have litterally had to wait 4 plus hours. Couple that with the fact that the voting machines are about 50 years old, and you have the recipe for a beautiful mess. Let's pause for a second. The presidential election is an even you can pretty much set your watch to. I mean, it does sneak up on you every FOUR years. You would think the right people in charge would have the foresight to replace these dinosaur machines. To give you a better idea of what I had to deal with, here are these old school machines. You go behind a curtain, you look at this kind of grid in front of you, and you flip a switch for the person you want to as president, state rep, etc. Once you've done that, you pull a huge lever and that's how you cast your vote. I felt like I was working a cotton gin of sorts, which would make Eli Whitney proud. My biggest concern once I voted was that I did NOT get an "I Voted" sticker. I really like the satisfaction of voting and showing the world I voted, and I didn't see anything like that offered. Maybe they don't give Libertarians stickers for voting, I don't know...and the more that I think about it, I really want one.
I'm not going to wax political here, because I really try to keep this blog free of any political kind of rhetoric (let's just not get into it), but if you asked me who I voted for, if you know anything about me at all, you should be able to surmise that one yourself. If you ask me who I think will win, I think Obama is going to win the election. Watching Fox News now, they're saying McCain needs to win 5 out of the 6 following states (Indiana, Ohio, North Carolina, Virginia, Pennslyvania and Florida). That's a lot, and it's too close to call right now. Who knows. I will say this about America; good for you for getting out and voting. Our electorate had become very appathetic over the past few years, and to see people getting out there and becoming more politically active is good. Now if we can only explain to some of these people how the electoral college works, we'd be cooking. However, I did realize something today about America and Americans. We're essentially a bunch of spoiled teenagers in this country. I'm not saying things can't improve, and I definitely have my gripes with the government, but when you sit back and think about it, we have a lot to be grateful for. We don't have a police state (at least not as of this writing), most of us have a roof over our head, we don't have people starving in this country (obesity and heart disease are two gi-normous problems facing many people in this country, primarily the poor). Oh, and how many teenagers do you see sporting cell phones, ipods, and their own computer? Yeah, exactly. We're just like those spoiled teenagers. The second anythings goes wrong, or if our next proverbial Christmas isn't as good as our last, we bitch and moan. It's a pretty good simile if you think about it. OK, rant off. We'll get back to fun, hilarious vaction stories later this week. End transmission!
I registered a few months ago, and the state of New York requires party registration (I registered as a Libertarian). So google-mapped (is that even a verb?) my poll location, and it's litterally a block and a half away. The polls opened at 6 am, and I got there about 7 am to vote. Talk about a complete cluster ####. People were litterally just herded into groups in there, and thank God I got there when I did. Had I gotten there later, I would have litterally had to wait 4 plus hours. Couple that with the fact that the voting machines are about 50 years old, and you have the recipe for a beautiful mess. Let's pause for a second. The presidential election is an even you can pretty much set your watch to. I mean, it does sneak up on you every FOUR years. You would think the right people in charge would have the foresight to replace these dinosaur machines. To give you a better idea of what I had to deal with, here are these old school machines. You go behind a curtain, you look at this kind of grid in front of you, and you flip a switch for the person you want to as president, state rep, etc. Once you've done that, you pull a huge lever and that's how you cast your vote. I felt like I was working a cotton gin of sorts, which would make Eli Whitney proud. My biggest concern once I voted was that I did NOT get an "I Voted" sticker. I really like the satisfaction of voting and showing the world I voted, and I didn't see anything like that offered. Maybe they don't give Libertarians stickers for voting, I don't know...and the more that I think about it, I really want one.
I'm not going to wax political here, because I really try to keep this blog free of any political kind of rhetoric (let's just not get into it), but if you asked me who I voted for, if you know anything about me at all, you should be able to surmise that one yourself. If you ask me who I think will win, I think Obama is going to win the election. Watching Fox News now, they're saying McCain needs to win 5 out of the 6 following states (Indiana, Ohio, North Carolina, Virginia, Pennslyvania and Florida). That's a lot, and it's too close to call right now. Who knows. I will say this about America; good for you for getting out and voting. Our electorate had become very appathetic over the past few years, and to see people getting out there and becoming more politically active is good. Now if we can only explain to some of these people how the electoral college works, we'd be cooking. However, I did realize something today about America and Americans. We're essentially a bunch of spoiled teenagers in this country. I'm not saying things can't improve, and I definitely have my gripes with the government, but when you sit back and think about it, we have a lot to be grateful for. We don't have a police state (at least not as of this writing), most of us have a roof over our head, we don't have people starving in this country (obesity and heart disease are two gi-normous problems facing many people in this country, primarily the poor). Oh, and how many teenagers do you see sporting cell phones, ipods, and their own computer? Yeah, exactly. We're just like those spoiled teenagers. The second anythings goes wrong, or if our next proverbial Christmas isn't as good as our last, we bitch and moan. It's a pretty good simile if you think about it. OK, rant off. We'll get back to fun, hilarious vaction stories later this week. End transmission!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Back from vacation, and let's blog. I had a blast with my brother and my closest friends. There truly is nothing like the cruise. We'll be getting into the aforementioned cruise in the next blog, but as you can probably surmise by the title of this blog is going to follow mostly my adventure of getting to Newark Liberty airport. Let's begin at the beginning.
Worked last Friday and Saturday evening and made some nice cash. This cash will be my spending money on the cruise, mainly for gambling, jet skis, gambling, some duty free liquor, and also gambling. Now my flight leaves Newark Liberty on 10/19 at 6:30 am. Typically, I'm a die hard supporter of Air Tran, and I will now tell you why. I fly a lot. Really, a considerable amount for a guy who does whatever the hell it is I do. Having said that, I can only speak from personal experience in that I've never had a serious problem with Air Tran. They are always friendly at the check in counter, they'll often try to get you on an earlier flight if there's room without any fees, and if you're going to be late for a flight, they will give you an honest answer as to if you will get on the flight (mainly so you can save $50-$75 in change over fees). Now think about that. A company more concerned with my happiness as a consumer rather than getting a few extra bucks. The one time I did have a problem with Air Tran, I got bumped from my flight, but they were very apologetic about it and gave me a free roundtrip ticket anywhere in the U.S. to make up for it AND they got me on the next available flight. Problem solved, moral of the story, I love Air Tran.
I am flying Continental on this day. I am flying Continental at 6:30 in the morning out of Newark. I live in Manhattan. What's my solution? Plan ahead of course. I have my money, suitcases are packed, I don't go to sleep, I grab a quick shower then a sandwich from the corner deli and leave for Newark airport. Oh, I forgot to mention, I left my place at 165th and Broadway at 2:30 am to make a 6:30 flight to Miami. I think 4 hours is ample time to get from Manhattan to Nework, even in the wee hours of the morning. The following unfolded.
I take the A train (late on Saturday night means it runs local, which means it hits every stop on the C line). I'm entertained by an insane woman's ranting/what can be described as an attempt at singing. Actually, I'm not really entertained, I more or less tolerate/ignore her. Fortunately, the dumb ass teenagers (i.e. the only people on the planet who actually laughed at movies like "Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie") thought it'd be a hoot to egg her on to keep singing. Yeah, attention will most certainly make this nut job stop. Good strategy. I finally get off at 34th St. Penn Station to take a NJ Path train over to the Garden State. From my earlier research, there's a Path train that's $2 that takes you to Newark Airport, and a shuttle taking you to the actual airport. Got all that so far? Sounds simple enough, there's demand for flying out of Newark, so let's have a train running all hours of the night. Before I make the transfer to train number 2 for the morning, let me pass on this bit of info. If you're walking through Penn Station with suitcases, just get ready to have the ever living #$#@ bugged out of you by every cabby.
Random cab guy: "Hey hey, hey guy, where you go? You need cab?"
Brian: "No man, I'm good, thank you."
RCG: "But where you go, I take."
Brian: "Really, I have it under control, I do appreciate your offer."
RCG: "You go to airport, I get you there 10 minute, 10 minute."
Brian: (not sure if he means 10 minutes or 10 minutes twice, equalling 20 minutes, and forever regretting I opened my mouth to the guy) "How much to Newark airport?"
RCG: "Newark 60, I take for 60."
Brian: "Thanks but I think I'm fine."
It finally took me telling the guy I wasn't willing to pay more than $20 to get from Penn Station to Newark airport, which made him leave in disgust, all though I do appreciate his willingness to shout out lower numbers in a feigned attempt to haggle. Another dude started to follow me up the escalator, and I told him I was good, but finally, I was too cranky to be bothered.
Random Cab Guy 2: "Nah nah, it's cool man, just where you headed?"
Brian: (beginning to really lose his patience) "I'm headed to the end of this escalator. I decided to pack up some personal belongings and take myself on a nice little trip to this escalator, and I'm good. Mission accomplished."
RCG2: ..........
So, I leave cabby heaven and head 2 blocks to where the Path train is and buy my ticket. I get on a train that leaves promptly, but not before getting instructions from a police officer who told me Newark was the last stop. FYI, the train takes you to Newark Penn Station, not to Newark airport like the MTA website suggested. It's quite possible I wasn't really paying attention, who knows, but we'll keep going. I take my second train until the last stop, only to be told that I need to transfer to another train that takes me to another stop in Newark. Talk about convenience. This third train took me to another stop, where I purchased a $7 ticket directly to Newark airport one stop away. However, that train wasn't scheduled to get there until 5:30 am. Awesome, I think to myself, or maybe out loud, who really knows at this point. I take the New Jersey Transit train one stop to Newark Liberty airport, thinking to myself, OK, it's now 5:40, I'm here, I have 1 bag to check, I'm still good. Oh wait, now I need to take an Air Train over to the actual airport. So we're already at 3 trains, plus the last train that took me to my current position and now an Air Train on top of that, bringing us to a grad total of 5 trains. Of course, that takes it's sweet ass time as well. Oh, and the Air Train picks you up at one station, only to drop you off at another station to wait on yet another train (6...6 f'ing trains to get to Newark airport from the "City that Never Sleeps"). Finally, I ask the guy as I'm awaiting my 6th train the following:
Brian: "Hey man, I don't want to seem rude, but I'm trying to catch a flight, how far of a walk is it to the terminal?"
Guy: (breathing deeply and looking with squint-eyed concentration at the terminal)"...hmm, maybe 10 minutes or so."
Brian: (after waiting for 17 minutes for train number 6) "Seriously, 10 minutes? Cause I really don't mind walking that."
Guy: "Yeah, but it is kind of cold. Oh, here comes the train now." (For the record, it was only 55 degrees).
I board the traing wondering how in the hell it's taken me over 3 hours to go roughly 8 miles from where I live. I'm beginning to think that I could've walked it in less time, and I'm not joking. I find the Continental check in desk, and of course there is a line. I told one of the people assisting that I need to catch a 6:30 flight to Miami and I have to check a bag. She immediately got me to a rep, and I'm starting to feel good about Continental.
Brian: "Hi, I tried to check in and it won't let me board. I know I'm running late, but I left at 2:30 this morning, I'm very tired and I just want to check my 1 bag and get on the plane." (I had 2 bags total)
Lady behind the Counter: (comibned look of shock and contempt) "Oh, you're not getting on that flight, you're late." I might be able to get you on a 12:00 flight, which you'll be standby, but it's more likely I can get you out this afternoon."
Brian: (not doing a good job of hiding his frustration) "I really appreciate the offer, but it simply won't work. I'm leaving on a cruise at 3:30 from Miami, and if I don't get on a flight before 11:00 am, I will literally miss the boat. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but I've had a tremendously frustrating time getting here, and I'd greatly appreciate any help you can offer." (Verbatim of what I said).
Counter: "Hold please.....here (handing me a ticket), I got you on a 7:00 am flight to Ft. Lauderdale."
Brian: "I really can't thank you enough. Thank you!"
I think anyone would be pretty frustrated at that point, so I was pretty justified. However, she didn't seem to happy with me, and I immediately was flagged as a "security threat." Oh this is going to be awesome. Most of you know my feeling on the TSA. If you don't, well, here it is: they do just as good a job as any post office or DMV worker.
So I go through their little tests, have wind blown all over me, a guy snaps his glove at me and asks me to take off my belt with my cool belt buckle, I think he means something else, and he didn't appreciate my joke about being gentle, and now I can finally board my plane.
3 hours later, I touch down in Ft. Lauderdale. I go to baggage claim, and I'm fortunate to know that my luggage is not there. I go to the Continental Luggage office, and they ask me if I'm sure. I'm losing all patience at this point as I look around the room and say, "nope, not here."
Other Lady: "Well, it should be. It says so in the computer."
Brian: (thinking to himself) "Oh thank God the computer says that and I'm wrong, because I still don't have my bag!!!"
Finally they inform me it's on the next flight (I'll save you some time...it wasn't). So now I'm kind of freaking out a tad because I'm really particular about my stuff getting lost. Continental was ever so kind to offer 10% off any future Continental flight and a free drink on the flight. Awesome, scratch paper because I'm not flying on your airline again!!! Finally, my luggage turns up (2 and half hours later), and I take a bus over to Miami from Ft. Lauderdale. At this point, I'm pretty attached to my stuff and I don't want it leaving my sight. We drop the first set of passengers off, then our group (those riding on the Valor). Do I have to tell you what happened next? Let me lay out a few options:
A) Brian gets a message saying he booked a national commercial that shoots when he gets back
B) Brian finds a $100 bill in his seat
C) Carnival misplaces the luggage Brian watched them put on the bus
If you guessed C, you're seeing the pattern of how my day went. The bus driver was kind enough to drive me back over to the other port, and of course I fear the worse as some goof ball thinks my luggage looks like his or hers, or some careless porter just takes it and puts it with the others and starts to load it on the other ship. As luck would have it, I got my stuff back and was ready to finally check in for Cruise '08. Oh, and for those wondering about Kevin's trip down. He got bumped to first class and got to the boat way before I did. Unfortunately, his free bump to first class included the seat with too much leg room. Next they probably ran out of macadamia nuts for his hot fudge Sunday, and he probably got digits from a gorgeous model who likes to spend lots of money on her boyfriends. So that concludes getting down there. I should get some pics of the week in a few days, so we'll leave you here now and waiting with antici...............pation.
Worked last Friday and Saturday evening and made some nice cash. This cash will be my spending money on the cruise, mainly for gambling, jet skis, gambling, some duty free liquor, and also gambling. Now my flight leaves Newark Liberty on 10/19 at 6:30 am. Typically, I'm a die hard supporter of Air Tran, and I will now tell you why. I fly a lot. Really, a considerable amount for a guy who does whatever the hell it is I do. Having said that, I can only speak from personal experience in that I've never had a serious problem with Air Tran. They are always friendly at the check in counter, they'll often try to get you on an earlier flight if there's room without any fees, and if you're going to be late for a flight, they will give you an honest answer as to if you will get on the flight (mainly so you can save $50-$75 in change over fees). Now think about that. A company more concerned with my happiness as a consumer rather than getting a few extra bucks. The one time I did have a problem with Air Tran, I got bumped from my flight, but they were very apologetic about it and gave me a free roundtrip ticket anywhere in the U.S. to make up for it AND they got me on the next available flight. Problem solved, moral of the story, I love Air Tran.
I am flying Continental on this day. I am flying Continental at 6:30 in the morning out of Newark. I live in Manhattan. What's my solution? Plan ahead of course. I have my money, suitcases are packed, I don't go to sleep, I grab a quick shower then a sandwich from the corner deli and leave for Newark airport. Oh, I forgot to mention, I left my place at 165th and Broadway at 2:30 am to make a 6:30 flight to Miami. I think 4 hours is ample time to get from Manhattan to Nework, even in the wee hours of the morning. The following unfolded.
I take the A train (late on Saturday night means it runs local, which means it hits every stop on the C line). I'm entertained by an insane woman's ranting/what can be described as an attempt at singing. Actually, I'm not really entertained, I more or less tolerate/ignore her. Fortunately, the dumb ass teenagers (i.e. the only people on the planet who actually laughed at movies like "Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie") thought it'd be a hoot to egg her on to keep singing. Yeah, attention will most certainly make this nut job stop. Good strategy. I finally get off at 34th St. Penn Station to take a NJ Path train over to the Garden State. From my earlier research, there's a Path train that's $2 that takes you to Newark Airport, and a shuttle taking you to the actual airport. Got all that so far? Sounds simple enough, there's demand for flying out of Newark, so let's have a train running all hours of the night. Before I make the transfer to train number 2 for the morning, let me pass on this bit of info. If you're walking through Penn Station with suitcases, just get ready to have the ever living #$#@ bugged out of you by every cabby.
Random cab guy: "Hey hey, hey guy, where you go? You need cab?"
Brian: "No man, I'm good, thank you."
RCG: "But where you go, I take."
Brian: "Really, I have it under control, I do appreciate your offer."
RCG: "You go to airport, I get you there 10 minute, 10 minute."
Brian: (not sure if he means 10 minutes or 10 minutes twice, equalling 20 minutes, and forever regretting I opened my mouth to the guy) "How much to Newark airport?"
RCG: "Newark 60, I take for 60."
Brian: "Thanks but I think I'm fine."
It finally took me telling the guy I wasn't willing to pay more than $20 to get from Penn Station to Newark airport, which made him leave in disgust, all though I do appreciate his willingness to shout out lower numbers in a feigned attempt to haggle. Another dude started to follow me up the escalator, and I told him I was good, but finally, I was too cranky to be bothered.
Random Cab Guy 2: "Nah nah, it's cool man, just where you headed?"
Brian: (beginning to really lose his patience) "I'm headed to the end of this escalator. I decided to pack up some personal belongings and take myself on a nice little trip to this escalator, and I'm good. Mission accomplished."
RCG2: ..........
So, I leave cabby heaven and head 2 blocks to where the Path train is and buy my ticket. I get on a train that leaves promptly, but not before getting instructions from a police officer who told me Newark was the last stop. FYI, the train takes you to Newark Penn Station, not to Newark airport like the MTA website suggested. It's quite possible I wasn't really paying attention, who knows, but we'll keep going. I take my second train until the last stop, only to be told that I need to transfer to another train that takes me to another stop in Newark. Talk about convenience. This third train took me to another stop, where I purchased a $7 ticket directly to Newark airport one stop away. However, that train wasn't scheduled to get there until 5:30 am. Awesome, I think to myself, or maybe out loud, who really knows at this point. I take the New Jersey Transit train one stop to Newark Liberty airport, thinking to myself, OK, it's now 5:40, I'm here, I have 1 bag to check, I'm still good. Oh wait, now I need to take an Air Train over to the actual airport. So we're already at 3 trains, plus the last train that took me to my current position and now an Air Train on top of that, bringing us to a grad total of 5 trains. Of course, that takes it's sweet ass time as well. Oh, and the Air Train picks you up at one station, only to drop you off at another station to wait on yet another train (6...6 f'ing trains to get to Newark airport from the "City that Never Sleeps"). Finally, I ask the guy as I'm awaiting my 6th train the following:
Brian: "Hey man, I don't want to seem rude, but I'm trying to catch a flight, how far of a walk is it to the terminal?"
Guy: (breathing deeply and looking with squint-eyed concentration at the terminal)"...hmm, maybe 10 minutes or so."
Brian: (after waiting for 17 minutes for train number 6) "Seriously, 10 minutes? Cause I really don't mind walking that."
Guy: "Yeah, but it is kind of cold. Oh, here comes the train now." (For the record, it was only 55 degrees).
I board the traing wondering how in the hell it's taken me over 3 hours to go roughly 8 miles from where I live. I'm beginning to think that I could've walked it in less time, and I'm not joking. I find the Continental check in desk, and of course there is a line. I told one of the people assisting that I need to catch a 6:30 flight to Miami and I have to check a bag. She immediately got me to a rep, and I'm starting to feel good about Continental.
Brian: "Hi, I tried to check in and it won't let me board. I know I'm running late, but I left at 2:30 this morning, I'm very tired and I just want to check my 1 bag and get on the plane." (I had 2 bags total)
Lady behind the Counter: (comibned look of shock and contempt) "Oh, you're not getting on that flight, you're late." I might be able to get you on a 12:00 flight, which you'll be standby, but it's more likely I can get you out this afternoon."
Brian: (not doing a good job of hiding his frustration) "I really appreciate the offer, but it simply won't work. I'm leaving on a cruise at 3:30 from Miami, and if I don't get on a flight before 11:00 am, I will literally miss the boat. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but I've had a tremendously frustrating time getting here, and I'd greatly appreciate any help you can offer." (Verbatim of what I said).
Counter: "Hold please.....here (handing me a ticket), I got you on a 7:00 am flight to Ft. Lauderdale."
Brian: "I really can't thank you enough. Thank you!"
I think anyone would be pretty frustrated at that point, so I was pretty justified. However, she didn't seem to happy with me, and I immediately was flagged as a "security threat." Oh this is going to be awesome. Most of you know my feeling on the TSA. If you don't, well, here it is: they do just as good a job as any post office or DMV worker.
So I go through their little tests, have wind blown all over me, a guy snaps his glove at me and asks me to take off my belt with my cool belt buckle, I think he means something else, and he didn't appreciate my joke about being gentle, and now I can finally board my plane.
3 hours later, I touch down in Ft. Lauderdale. I go to baggage claim, and I'm fortunate to know that my luggage is not there. I go to the Continental Luggage office, and they ask me if I'm sure. I'm losing all patience at this point as I look around the room and say, "nope, not here."
Other Lady: "Well, it should be. It says so in the computer."
Brian: (thinking to himself) "Oh thank God the computer says that and I'm wrong, because I still don't have my bag!!!"
Finally they inform me it's on the next flight (I'll save you some time...it wasn't). So now I'm kind of freaking out a tad because I'm really particular about my stuff getting lost. Continental was ever so kind to offer 10% off any future Continental flight and a free drink on the flight. Awesome, scratch paper because I'm not flying on your airline again!!! Finally, my luggage turns up (2 and half hours later), and I take a bus over to Miami from Ft. Lauderdale. At this point, I'm pretty attached to my stuff and I don't want it leaving my sight. We drop the first set of passengers off, then our group (those riding on the Valor). Do I have to tell you what happened next? Let me lay out a few options:
A) Brian gets a message saying he booked a national commercial that shoots when he gets back
B) Brian finds a $100 bill in his seat
C) Carnival misplaces the luggage Brian watched them put on the bus
If you guessed C, you're seeing the pattern of how my day went. The bus driver was kind enough to drive me back over to the other port, and of course I fear the worse as some goof ball thinks my luggage looks like his or hers, or some careless porter just takes it and puts it with the others and starts to load it on the other ship. As luck would have it, I got my stuff back and was ready to finally check in for Cruise '08. Oh, and for those wondering about Kevin's trip down. He got bumped to first class and got to the boat way before I did. Unfortunately, his free bump to first class included the seat with too much leg room. Next they probably ran out of macadamia nuts for his hot fudge Sunday, and he probably got digits from a gorgeous model who likes to spend lots of money on her boyfriends. So that concludes getting down there. I should get some pics of the week in a few days, so we'll leave you here now and waiting with antici...............pation.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
National Lampoon's Halloween Vacation
Because it's almost Halloween and I make up the titles. So here's the life of Brian in a nutshell. I leave for my yearly cruise this Sunday. I didn't make Cruise '06 a couple of years back (because I was planning to move to LA and...nevermind, it's a long story). Me and a few of my boys go on a cruise every year and it's awesome. Let me first clarify that it's my friends and there are females going as well, as I can see how some of your sophomoric minds could construe the previous statement as a tad homo-erotic (i.e. a bunch of guys going on a cruise together). Anyway, moving on...pictures will be posted when I get back. Let's hit some random thoughts:
1. I so want the Rays to put away the Red Sox, but it's pretty damn hard when they don't don't chew their food properly. Seriously guys, the 2007 Mets think you choked Game 5 tonight. Take care of business in Game 6. It's times like this I wish I had a compulsive gambling disorder.
2. Sticking with sports, for all the Atlanta Braves fans out there, how many of us are pointing and laughing at the Dodgers for signing Andruw Jones? Show of hands please. Granted, the did make the NLCS, territory the ATL hasn't seen since 2001, but I'm specifically talking about Jones. $18 million per year, he didn't even hit his weight (hell, he didn't hit Kirstie Alley's weight), didn't hit double digit home runs and finished the season on the DL. Guess $18 mil doesn't get you what it used to. By the way, Andruw you can take off the ski mask and put down the gun now, the robbery is over.
3. UGA vs. Vandy this weekend. I really like that Vandy is ranked, and I'm a tad bummed that they lost last week. I really would've loved for them to be undefeated when we play them. If you're a UGA fan, you'll note that we've dominated Vandy pretty well, but the past few years (the last 2 specifically), we haven't played our best against them (2006 we lost at home, 2007 we needed a last minute field goal to beat them in Nashville). I like our chances this weekend, but Georgia has this bad habit of dominating for a half, shutting it down, then letting their opponent back into the game just enough to not "win convincingly," something that the OU's and the USC's do like clockwork. I also don't understand how when we were ranked #3 and lost to then #8 Bama by 9 we drop out of the top 10, yet then #1 OU loses by 10 to #5 Texas and they're still a top 5 team. Makes a ton of sense.
4. I was shopping at a Marshall's in the Bronx today (if you're not sure what a Marshall's is or you live somewhere near Tatooine, Marshall's is a discount clothing chain that sell all the shit no one else really wants), and I was looking for a bathing suit (which you won't find in NY in October because it's out of season), and I saw something a tad eskew. So I see all this New York sporting good stuff, plenty of Mets/Yankees/Giants/Jets apparel, and all of a sudden, I see a college themed golf set. College football is not as big as it is down south (understatement of the year by leaps and bounds), but it was a Texas Tech golf set. Couple things we have at work here, which I'll outline below:
a) New York, specifically the Bronx....not really known for it's golf, let alone Marshall's being the preferred supplier for all golf related items
b) When it comes to anything....ANYTHING sports merchandise related in this town, it's Yankees, Giants, Mets, Jets, etc. I can go on for quite some time. In essence, New York really likes to jam it's sports teams down your throughts (you'll see it a ton in sporting good stores). Why on earth they specifically chose a random team from the Big XII (no offense to the Red Raiders or Red Raider alumni), but...really?? It reminded me of my friend Mesina who is a Tech alum, so I'm not sure if it was on purpose or if there's a huge Texas Tech following up off 225th St.
5. Fellas, if you buy roll on deoderant, I would avoid purchasing Axe brand (Phoenix scent). Your body odor will definitely resurrect like the creature of ancient mythology (or Fawkes from the Harry Potter series).
6. I'm narrowing down my Halloween costume list. I'll probably be John Lennon one day, Vladimir Lenin another (just to be a wise ass), combine the 2 and be Leon Trotsky on another day (just google his name, I'm not going to explain, and before you ask, pre-hatchett to head...still a bit too soon in my opinion), but I really want to be Dennis Eckersley circa 1992. Or the Dread Pirate Roberts. Or Captain Morgan (from the rum bottles). Or Jack Sparrow. I might even do Wendy (of fast food, Baconator and Frosty fame) with a hyped up pituitary gland, because I have a great time wearing pig tails on the side of my head.
Bed time. See you when I get back. Go Dawgs.
1. I so want the Rays to put away the Red Sox, but it's pretty damn hard when they don't don't chew their food properly. Seriously guys, the 2007 Mets think you choked Game 5 tonight. Take care of business in Game 6. It's times like this I wish I had a compulsive gambling disorder.
2. Sticking with sports, for all the Atlanta Braves fans out there, how many of us are pointing and laughing at the Dodgers for signing Andruw Jones? Show of hands please. Granted, the did make the NLCS, territory the ATL hasn't seen since 2001, but I'm specifically talking about Jones. $18 million per year, he didn't even hit his weight (hell, he didn't hit Kirstie Alley's weight), didn't hit double digit home runs and finished the season on the DL. Guess $18 mil doesn't get you what it used to. By the way, Andruw you can take off the ski mask and put down the gun now, the robbery is over.
3. UGA vs. Vandy this weekend. I really like that Vandy is ranked, and I'm a tad bummed that they lost last week. I really would've loved for them to be undefeated when we play them. If you're a UGA fan, you'll note that we've dominated Vandy pretty well, but the past few years (the last 2 specifically), we haven't played our best against them (2006 we lost at home, 2007 we needed a last minute field goal to beat them in Nashville). I like our chances this weekend, but Georgia has this bad habit of dominating for a half, shutting it down, then letting their opponent back into the game just enough to not "win convincingly," something that the OU's and the USC's do like clockwork. I also don't understand how when we were ranked #3 and lost to then #8 Bama by 9 we drop out of the top 10, yet then #1 OU loses by 10 to #5 Texas and they're still a top 5 team. Makes a ton of sense.
4. I was shopping at a Marshall's in the Bronx today (if you're not sure what a Marshall's is or you live somewhere near Tatooine, Marshall's is a discount clothing chain that sell all the shit no one else really wants), and I was looking for a bathing suit (which you won't find in NY in October because it's out of season), and I saw something a tad eskew. So I see all this New York sporting good stuff, plenty of Mets/Yankees/Giants/Jets apparel, and all of a sudden, I see a college themed golf set. College football is not as big as it is down south (understatement of the year by leaps and bounds), but it was a Texas Tech golf set. Couple things we have at work here, which I'll outline below:
a) New York, specifically the Bronx....not really known for it's golf, let alone Marshall's being the preferred supplier for all golf related items
b) When it comes to anything....ANYTHING sports merchandise related in this town, it's Yankees, Giants, Mets, Jets, etc. I can go on for quite some time. In essence, New York really likes to jam it's sports teams down your throughts (you'll see it a ton in sporting good stores). Why on earth they specifically chose a random team from the Big XII (no offense to the Red Raiders or Red Raider alumni), but...really?? It reminded me of my friend Mesina who is a Tech alum, so I'm not sure if it was on purpose or if there's a huge Texas Tech following up off 225th St.
5. Fellas, if you buy roll on deoderant, I would avoid purchasing Axe brand (Phoenix scent). Your body odor will definitely resurrect like the creature of ancient mythology (or Fawkes from the Harry Potter series).
6. I'm narrowing down my Halloween costume list. I'll probably be John Lennon one day, Vladimir Lenin another (just to be a wise ass), combine the 2 and be Leon Trotsky on another day (just google his name, I'm not going to explain, and before you ask, pre-hatchett to head...still a bit too soon in my opinion), but I really want to be Dennis Eckersley circa 1992. Or the Dread Pirate Roberts. Or Captain Morgan (from the rum bottles). Or Jack Sparrow. I might even do Wendy (of fast food, Baconator and Frosty fame) with a hyped up pituitary gland, because I have a great time wearing pig tails on the side of my head.
Bed time. See you when I get back. Go Dawgs.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Everything I Ever Leared in the World, I Learned from "Saved by the Bell"
I'm just going to quick telling you (if you're still checking this bad boy regularly) that "I promise to update regularly." I sound like someone in D.C. for crying out loud (we'll get to that in a moment.) Oh, I've had a few auditions, things are going fine, blah blah blah...let's have some fun.
Lesson 1: It's perfectly normal for an administrator to spend time with 6 of his students in social settings.
When Penny Belding argued with Principal Belding over her mother staying at the house, Belding follows Screech over to Zack's house, and Belding proceeds to hang out with Zack, Slater, and Screech. He even buys them pizza and spends the night at the Bayside locker room with "all the towels a guy could want." He would also make frequent appearances at the Max, and when Kelly left Zack for Jeff, her boss at the Max, Belding wanted in on the gossip during their photojournalism class. Pefectly normal, acceptable behavior between an adult and his students. Seriously, were Derrick Morris Major Slater too busy selling computers to deal with this dude showing up to hang with their kids?
Lesson 2: Any adult in a position of authority can be easily manipulated.
No one manipulated better than Zack Morris. Seriously, dude got whatever he wanted, and he didn't even have to stoop to using subliminal messages (Oh wait...they did). Zack would appeal to people's greed to or emotions, and pretty much got what he wanted, like when he wanted to throw a baby shower for Mrs. Belding to coincide with his Physics mid-term from Mr. Heimlich. Enter one Richard Belding to help facilitate Zack's request (only to postpone it for the weekend). And before I forget, kudos to Slater for teaching us to take a much needed shower after the baby shower, but before the impending earthquake. I think back fondly on all the showers I took immediately right after school let out at 2:15. I think Miss Bliss could've acted as more of a conscience to Zack, but alas, Zach, Screech, Lisa, Screech, and of course Belding all moved form Indiana to Los Angeles to go to high school. Starting to see a pattern here?
Lesson 3: Sterotypes are real and they 're hilarious.
It's perfectly OK for two of the most popular guys at Bayside to be friends with Screech, so long as he keeps doing stuff to benefit you (see the manipulation above for further clarification). Everything from making fake ID's to stealing a water pump from the school garage, Screech was on it for Zack and Slater. How is poor Screech repaid? By Zack making out with the love of Screech's life, Ms. Lisa Turtle. All though it only lasted one episode, Screech should have grown a pair and stood up to Zach. Hell, let loose your robot Kevin on him, and beat him with his own arms and legs. I'll have more on Samuel Powers later, but I also need to cover guys like Ox (the token jock), who was on the football team, Mawell (the richest, most powerful dork at Bayside), and Violet Anne Bickerstaff (played by a pre-90210 Tori Spelling). Oh, that also reminds me...
Lesson 4: No matter how many times a girl turns you down, just keep trying and holding out hope, because maybe, just maybe one day she might like you back.
Because one thing all women love is a guy who can't take a hint (I'm looking at you Screech). From gluing ears onto the heads of worms to dressing up as a giant heart on a flashback show to inventing the dance "The Sprain" and winning the dance contest at the Max with Lisa, Screech never let up. I was a bit disappointed he didn't pick his favorite love ballad by the band Europe and sing it to her (seriously, no one sings a love song like Joey Tempest). Nowadays, Miss Turtle could easily head over to her local county courthouse and pick up a nice restraining order to solve this problem. Maybe she was insecure and attention starved and she liked to manipulate poor Screech also, who knows.
Lesson 5: No matter what happens between you and your high school significant other, you must remain friends and continue to hang out in the same circle.
Again, because your feelings as a guy don't matter. It's much healthier to be friends with a member of the opposite sex under false pretenses than to say "you know what, you left me for that dude you work for at the Max, Kelly. That's not cool, and we're done. Give me back my buddy band, because evidently, it didn't work." Oh, and if you make a nice gesture, like scoring Raider tickets that cost Slater $100, you're a pig. Again, never mind the fact that a high school kid in the early 90's was able to procure said tickets (which would be considerably higher today, adjusted for inflation and the fact that Slater had no income at all) and he just wanted to spend time with Jessie, he's wrong. So what's the best way to fix this problem? If you guessed dress up in spandex and prance around the fast food joint where you have lunch 5 days a week and probably spend considerable time there on the weekends...oh, and have a mutual friend dress up and impersonate your pissed off girlfriend, you'd be right. Funny how those things work out.
Lesson 6: You can control the space/time continium simply by calling "Time Out."
Pretty bad ass if you think about it, all though Zack didn't use it as much as he could've. Maybe he only got 3 per episode or week, like football. No matter how hard I try, I can't do it (not yet, at least).
Anybody out there watch the debate tonight? Last thing I want to do is turn my blog into something political, but with the election coming up, people are going to talk about it. Let me first say for the record, I have opinions on politics (if you know me really well, you know how I am), and I'm not out to change anyone's mind or anything. I like to look at things a tad differently (I get that from my dad...my brother and I think very much alike). So, while I'm up and writing and waxing philosophical on "Saved by the Bell," let's cover some current events.
Issue 1: The econonmy, specifically the $700 Billion bailout.
I'm no Milton Friedman by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have a take on this hole matter. Let me first start off by pointing out that this bailout is one of the least polarizing issues of the upcoming election, in that pretty much everyone hates the idea of it. Seriously, whether you're a liberal, conservative, democrat, libertarian, independent, republic, progressive, bull moose party, whig, or know-nothing party member, you're not down with borrowing money we don't have to bail out big businesses. Those same people sent a message to the House, which voted down the measure. From a personal stand point, I don't think any business should be bailed out by the government when things go bad, especially when said business's decisions got them in this situation. I've been in shitty situations before, and I'm sure plenty of you who are reading this (all 10 or so of you who still read this bad boy) have been in a crappy financial situation, and the government didn't cut you a check. For the record, if you use one credit card to pay down another credit card, guess what...the debt is still there (since we don't have this money laying around any where, we're essentially doing the aforementioned). I'm not saying something doesn't need to be done, however we as the taxpayers don't need to "invest" in all of these bad mortages(because the government doesn't spend your money, they invest it...sounds better, don't it?). We're going to have to pay this bad boy back someday ("From those according to their abilities...") because so many of these dumb ass banks thought it would be good to loan money to people who normally wouldn't qualify for a $100,000 mortage and are getting $300,000 mortages that they would no way in hell pay back. Now the banks require $700 Billion to remain solvent because so many people are defaulting on loans ("...to those according to their needs."). And that quote? Some dude named Marx wrote about that philosophy back in the 1840's. It was in some kind of Manifesto, or something. Of course, technically, the banks would still be privately owned, with the government telling them what to do, so in all actuallity we call that practice facisim. You know, if we're going to engage in pseudo-marxism, let's freaking do it. Why stop at $700 Billion? Go for a cool trillion, hell get the Fed involved and they can make the first ever trillion dollar bill. Put all of the presidents pictures on it (they can all be having a party, and Grant is passed out in the corner...and you'd have to have 2 differnt, non-consecutive versions of Grover Cleveland). Send that money to the tax payers, and let them circulate it back into the economy. Why stop there? Let's just print more money!!! Problem solved, and the tax payers wouldn't even take the hit.*
*Let the record show that I'm well aware of what would happen to our economy if we introduced a trillion dollars of counterfeit money into circulation, I'm not going to go into all the fun stuff, since this blog isn't about learning, it's about me bitching and moaning...end result would be high taxes and the value of the dollar significantly diminishing.
Issue 2: Healthcare reform.
I think it's pretty safe to say that people want healthcare. It's pretty safe to say that any reasonable person would like to see everyone have healthcare. Again, not trying to convince anyone or sway opinions, but I have my own thoughts, so here we go. Let me state for the record that yes, we need to fix healthcare in America. My issue is that the solution being bandied about right now is to put 1/6 of our national economy under government control (i.e. socialized medicine...FYI, if doctors on on the government payroll, there's no nicer way to say it, it's socialized medicine). So we're going to put the same people who are in charge of the post office, the DMV, and airport security in charge of our healthcare. Hmm.......not sure about that. My reasons? One thing the government doesn't do well is customer service, so you could imagine the bedside manner of these doctors. A possible solution? Keep reading...
We live in an awesome country. I truly love America, I love the free market (maybe to a fault), and I love the Constitution (way better than the Articles of Confederation...no contest). So let's look to the 10th amendment. Most people are familiar with the 1st, 2nd, and 5th, but what's the deal with the 10th? In a nutshell, it basically says "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." Awesome. That's a big one. Oh, what does it mean, and how does it relate to healthcare? Funny you should ask, and here's where the compromise/solution comes in. Let's say people in, oh, I don't know, let's use my current state of New York, let's say the people of New York want the government to pay for their healthcare. Each individual state has it's own government with it's own constitution and its own laws, so if the voters of the state of New York want the state of New York to pay for it, fine. Let the state of New York cover everyone's healthcare costs (through increased taxes), let the state of New York cover the out of network, and if you want to have government healthcare, move to a state that covers it. People who don't necessarily want socialized medicine are then free to live in states that don't have it on a public level. No one is forcing it on people who don't want it, so it's kind of a compromise. It's an option, and I think it's a pretty good idea (since I did come up with it). :)
Sorry, I only covered 2 issues, but I gave you an extra long blog (that's what she said). See you soon.
Lesson 1: It's perfectly normal for an administrator to spend time with 6 of his students in social settings.
When Penny Belding argued with Principal Belding over her mother staying at the house, Belding follows Screech over to Zack's house, and Belding proceeds to hang out with Zack, Slater, and Screech. He even buys them pizza and spends the night at the Bayside locker room with "all the towels a guy could want." He would also make frequent appearances at the Max, and when Kelly left Zack for Jeff, her boss at the Max, Belding wanted in on the gossip during their photojournalism class. Pefectly normal, acceptable behavior between an adult and his students. Seriously, were Derrick Morris Major Slater too busy selling computers to deal with this dude showing up to hang with their kids?
Lesson 2: Any adult in a position of authority can be easily manipulated.
No one manipulated better than Zack Morris. Seriously, dude got whatever he wanted, and he didn't even have to stoop to using subliminal messages (Oh wait...they did). Zack would appeal to people's greed to or emotions, and pretty much got what he wanted, like when he wanted to throw a baby shower for Mrs. Belding to coincide with his Physics mid-term from Mr. Heimlich. Enter one Richard Belding to help facilitate Zack's request (only to postpone it for the weekend). And before I forget, kudos to Slater for teaching us to take a much needed shower after the baby shower, but before the impending earthquake. I think back fondly on all the showers I took immediately right after school let out at 2:15. I think Miss Bliss could've acted as more of a conscience to Zack, but alas, Zach, Screech, Lisa, Screech, and of course Belding all moved form Indiana to Los Angeles to go to high school. Starting to see a pattern here?
Lesson 3: Sterotypes are real and they 're hilarious.
It's perfectly OK for two of the most popular guys at Bayside to be friends with Screech, so long as he keeps doing stuff to benefit you (see the manipulation above for further clarification). Everything from making fake ID's to stealing a water pump from the school garage, Screech was on it for Zack and Slater. How is poor Screech repaid? By Zack making out with the love of Screech's life, Ms. Lisa Turtle. All though it only lasted one episode, Screech should have grown a pair and stood up to Zach. Hell, let loose your robot Kevin on him, and beat him with his own arms and legs. I'll have more on Samuel Powers later, but I also need to cover guys like Ox (the token jock), who was on the football team, Mawell (the richest, most powerful dork at Bayside), and Violet Anne Bickerstaff (played by a pre-90210 Tori Spelling). Oh, that also reminds me...
Lesson 4: No matter how many times a girl turns you down, just keep trying and holding out hope, because maybe, just maybe one day she might like you back.
Because one thing all women love is a guy who can't take a hint (I'm looking at you Screech). From gluing ears onto the heads of worms to dressing up as a giant heart on a flashback show to inventing the dance "The Sprain" and winning the dance contest at the Max with Lisa, Screech never let up. I was a bit disappointed he didn't pick his favorite love ballad by the band Europe and sing it to her (seriously, no one sings a love song like Joey Tempest). Nowadays, Miss Turtle could easily head over to her local county courthouse and pick up a nice restraining order to solve this problem. Maybe she was insecure and attention starved and she liked to manipulate poor Screech also, who knows.
Lesson 5: No matter what happens between you and your high school significant other, you must remain friends and continue to hang out in the same circle.
Again, because your feelings as a guy don't matter. It's much healthier to be friends with a member of the opposite sex under false pretenses than to say "you know what, you left me for that dude you work for at the Max, Kelly. That's not cool, and we're done. Give me back my buddy band, because evidently, it didn't work." Oh, and if you make a nice gesture, like scoring Raider tickets that cost Slater $100, you're a pig. Again, never mind the fact that a high school kid in the early 90's was able to procure said tickets (which would be considerably higher today, adjusted for inflation and the fact that Slater had no income at all) and he just wanted to spend time with Jessie, he's wrong. So what's the best way to fix this problem? If you guessed dress up in spandex and prance around the fast food joint where you have lunch 5 days a week and probably spend considerable time there on the weekends...oh, and have a mutual friend dress up and impersonate your pissed off girlfriend, you'd be right. Funny how those things work out.
Lesson 6: You can control the space/time continium simply by calling "Time Out."
Pretty bad ass if you think about it, all though Zack didn't use it as much as he could've. Maybe he only got 3 per episode or week, like football. No matter how hard I try, I can't do it (not yet, at least).
Anybody out there watch the debate tonight? Last thing I want to do is turn my blog into something political, but with the election coming up, people are going to talk about it. Let me first say for the record, I have opinions on politics (if you know me really well, you know how I am), and I'm not out to change anyone's mind or anything. I like to look at things a tad differently (I get that from my dad...my brother and I think very much alike). So, while I'm up and writing and waxing philosophical on "Saved by the Bell," let's cover some current events.
Issue 1: The econonmy, specifically the $700 Billion bailout.
I'm no Milton Friedman by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have a take on this hole matter. Let me first start off by pointing out that this bailout is one of the least polarizing issues of the upcoming election, in that pretty much everyone hates the idea of it. Seriously, whether you're a liberal, conservative, democrat, libertarian, independent, republic, progressive, bull moose party, whig, or know-nothing party member, you're not down with borrowing money we don't have to bail out big businesses. Those same people sent a message to the House, which voted down the measure. From a personal stand point, I don't think any business should be bailed out by the government when things go bad, especially when said business's decisions got them in this situation. I've been in shitty situations before, and I'm sure plenty of you who are reading this (all 10 or so of you who still read this bad boy) have been in a crappy financial situation, and the government didn't cut you a check. For the record, if you use one credit card to pay down another credit card, guess what...the debt is still there (since we don't have this money laying around any where, we're essentially doing the aforementioned). I'm not saying something doesn't need to be done, however we as the taxpayers don't need to "invest" in all of these bad mortages(because the government doesn't spend your money, they invest it...sounds better, don't it?). We're going to have to pay this bad boy back someday ("From those according to their abilities...") because so many of these dumb ass banks thought it would be good to loan money to people who normally wouldn't qualify for a $100,000 mortage and are getting $300,000 mortages that they would no way in hell pay back. Now the banks require $700 Billion to remain solvent because so many people are defaulting on loans ("...to those according to their needs."). And that quote? Some dude named Marx wrote about that philosophy back in the 1840's. It was in some kind of Manifesto, or something. Of course, technically, the banks would still be privately owned, with the government telling them what to do, so in all actuallity we call that practice facisim. You know, if we're going to engage in pseudo-marxism, let's freaking do it. Why stop at $700 Billion? Go for a cool trillion, hell get the Fed involved and they can make the first ever trillion dollar bill. Put all of the presidents pictures on it (they can all be having a party, and Grant is passed out in the corner...and you'd have to have 2 differnt, non-consecutive versions of Grover Cleveland). Send that money to the tax payers, and let them circulate it back into the economy. Why stop there? Let's just print more money!!! Problem solved, and the tax payers wouldn't even take the hit.*
*Let the record show that I'm well aware of what would happen to our economy if we introduced a trillion dollars of counterfeit money into circulation, I'm not going to go into all the fun stuff, since this blog isn't about learning, it's about me bitching and moaning...end result would be high taxes and the value of the dollar significantly diminishing.
Issue 2: Healthcare reform.
I think it's pretty safe to say that people want healthcare. It's pretty safe to say that any reasonable person would like to see everyone have healthcare. Again, not trying to convince anyone or sway opinions, but I have my own thoughts, so here we go. Let me state for the record that yes, we need to fix healthcare in America. My issue is that the solution being bandied about right now is to put 1/6 of our national economy under government control (i.e. socialized medicine...FYI, if doctors on on the government payroll, there's no nicer way to say it, it's socialized medicine). So we're going to put the same people who are in charge of the post office, the DMV, and airport security in charge of our healthcare. Hmm.......not sure about that. My reasons? One thing the government doesn't do well is customer service, so you could imagine the bedside manner of these doctors. A possible solution? Keep reading...
We live in an awesome country. I truly love America, I love the free market (maybe to a fault), and I love the Constitution (way better than the Articles of Confederation...no contest). So let's look to the 10th amendment. Most people are familiar with the 1st, 2nd, and 5th, but what's the deal with the 10th? In a nutshell, it basically says "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." Awesome. That's a big one. Oh, what does it mean, and how does it relate to healthcare? Funny you should ask, and here's where the compromise/solution comes in. Let's say people in, oh, I don't know, let's use my current state of New York, let's say the people of New York want the government to pay for their healthcare. Each individual state has it's own government with it's own constitution and its own laws, so if the voters of the state of New York want the state of New York to pay for it, fine. Let the state of New York cover everyone's healthcare costs (through increased taxes), let the state of New York cover the out of network, and if you want to have government healthcare, move to a state that covers it. People who don't necessarily want socialized medicine are then free to live in states that don't have it on a public level. No one is forcing it on people who don't want it, so it's kind of a compromise. It's an option, and I think it's a pretty good idea (since I did come up with it). :)
Sorry, I only covered 2 issues, but I gave you an extra long blog (that's what she said). See you soon.
Monday, August 18, 2008
All Dogs Go to Heaven
If you're wondering, I started 301 today, and I had a great time, but today's blog isn't about me. If I haven't spoken to you yet, then you haven't heard the news. On Sunday morning, my dog Sable passed away. Man, that's really hard to see written. So today's blog is going to be more of a tribute to her then anything, because this dog was really special.
I got Sable about 10 years ago. We had taken Shelly back to the breeder we had gotten her from in order to knock her up so we could get another puppy (not that Shelly wasn't great, but we thought she needed a friend, and who better than a son or daughter?). I won't go into details, but it didn't work out as such, and the breeder offered me the option of trying to knock up my dog again or, giving me a puppy. I remember seeing this little gray dog that just loved being chased around the yard, especially by this huge Rotweiller (the Rot really liked this little dog, as she was very gentle when she caught her). I remember asking, "What about her? Can I take her home?" The breeder agreed, and Sable became our new dog. We have this weird thing of naming all of our pets "S" names, and I was really into wrestling at the time, so that's how she got her name. From the moment we brought her home, her and Shelly were inseperable. I swear, it was hilarious to watch them play in our front yard and watch Sable drag Shelly by her tail. Oddly enough, Shelly loved it! One of the first things people would notice about Sable is that she was grey (technical term was "blue mearle"). Even though she looked older, she was the puppy of the two. That, and she would force you to pet her head. If you started to pet her and then you stopped, she would force her head back under your hand and make you pet her. She really was something else.
I'll never forget the time I was headed out of town on a business trip (this is back when I worked for "the man," travelling the country in the closed circuit TV business), and I was driving to Alabama to have Kevin watch the dogs. Shelly sat on my lap (that one looked and played like a puppy until the day she died), whereas Sable, God bless her...let's just say she had a low center of gravity. She wasn't fat, she litteraly just weighed a lot. Not wanting to be outdone by her adopted mother, she decided to crawl up on my shoulders and sit there...the entire trip from Atlanta to Birmingham. I couldn't move her, she was so damn comfortable. A few years later, my dad drove up to Birmingham from Florida to take the dogs to their final home. My dad has an interesting bond with animals. Animals simply love my dad, no matter how tempermental they are with anyone else. To Shelly and Sable, my dad was theirs, and not to be shared with anyone, including our mom. My dad had a heart attack back in 2004, and the best medicine he could've received was the love and affection from those 2 dogs. I couldn't have picked a better doctor or nurse to look after him. After Shelly died, Sable kind of lost a step in her personality, but what she lost there, she knew she had to make up for Shelly. This dog took such good care of my dad, I really can't thank her enough. A few months ago, my mom called me and told me that Sable had had a stroke, and that she was moving slower, and my parents were just making her as comfortable as they could. I recently bought her some pain medicine (and in a beautiful twist of irony, of course it arrived at my parents house today). Anyway, I'd always ask about her when I called, and the answer was always fine. However, I knew she didn't have much time left when my parents called me on Saturday and told me that she had stopped eating and wouldn't take her medicine. When I saw the missed phone call on my caller ID Sunday morning, I didn't even need to listen to my mom's message. The Lord had called Sable home, which brings me to my next point. I don't want to get on a soapbox or espouse my religious beliefs, because I truly respect the beliefs and opinions of others, whether I agree or disagree with said beliefs/opinions. However, I'll say this: I truly believe that all dogs go to heaven, and if you're reading this blog now and you've ever lost a pet, know that he or she is truly in a better place. They don't feel any pain, and they continue to bring joy and love to all those around them. Seriously, could you imagine Heaven without our pets?
"Hi, welcome to Heaven, here's your room key (I have no idea why locks would be needed in Heaven, but just go with it). Heaven is truly the greatest place ever."
"Wow, I made it to Heaven!! This is great, I can see my dog again!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, but there's been a big misunderstanding; we don't allow pets, trash pick up is on Tuesday, and HBO costs extra. However, ESPN is free."
That's not Heaven. By the very definition of the word, pets have to be there, and they are there, and I know Shelly greeted Sable with a big kiss on her wet nose, and they immediately began to chase each other in a great big meadow that God prepared for all dogs. The only difference is, Shelly has her young pup legs, so she can keep up a whole lot better with Sable. And I know they can see and hear me know, and they both know how much they are loved and missed by their family.
I got Sable about 10 years ago. We had taken Shelly back to the breeder we had gotten her from in order to knock her up so we could get another puppy (not that Shelly wasn't great, but we thought she needed a friend, and who better than a son or daughter?). I won't go into details, but it didn't work out as such, and the breeder offered me the option of trying to knock up my dog again or, giving me a puppy. I remember seeing this little gray dog that just loved being chased around the yard, especially by this huge Rotweiller (the Rot really liked this little dog, as she was very gentle when she caught her). I remember asking, "What about her? Can I take her home?" The breeder agreed, and Sable became our new dog. We have this weird thing of naming all of our pets "S" names, and I was really into wrestling at the time, so that's how she got her name. From the moment we brought her home, her and Shelly were inseperable. I swear, it was hilarious to watch them play in our front yard and watch Sable drag Shelly by her tail. Oddly enough, Shelly loved it! One of the first things people would notice about Sable is that she was grey (technical term was "blue mearle"). Even though she looked older, she was the puppy of the two. That, and she would force you to pet her head. If you started to pet her and then you stopped, she would force her head back under your hand and make you pet her. She really was something else.
I'll never forget the time I was headed out of town on a business trip (this is back when I worked for "the man," travelling the country in the closed circuit TV business), and I was driving to Alabama to have Kevin watch the dogs. Shelly sat on my lap (that one looked and played like a puppy until the day she died), whereas Sable, God bless her...let's just say she had a low center of gravity. She wasn't fat, she litteraly just weighed a lot. Not wanting to be outdone by her adopted mother, she decided to crawl up on my shoulders and sit there...the entire trip from Atlanta to Birmingham. I couldn't move her, she was so damn comfortable. A few years later, my dad drove up to Birmingham from Florida to take the dogs to their final home. My dad has an interesting bond with animals. Animals simply love my dad, no matter how tempermental they are with anyone else. To Shelly and Sable, my dad was theirs, and not to be shared with anyone, including our mom. My dad had a heart attack back in 2004, and the best medicine he could've received was the love and affection from those 2 dogs. I couldn't have picked a better doctor or nurse to look after him. After Shelly died, Sable kind of lost a step in her personality, but what she lost there, she knew she had to make up for Shelly. This dog took such good care of my dad, I really can't thank her enough. A few months ago, my mom called me and told me that Sable had had a stroke, and that she was moving slower, and my parents were just making her as comfortable as they could. I recently bought her some pain medicine (and in a beautiful twist of irony, of course it arrived at my parents house today). Anyway, I'd always ask about her when I called, and the answer was always fine. However, I knew she didn't have much time left when my parents called me on Saturday and told me that she had stopped eating and wouldn't take her medicine. When I saw the missed phone call on my caller ID Sunday morning, I didn't even need to listen to my mom's message. The Lord had called Sable home, which brings me to my next point. I don't want to get on a soapbox or espouse my religious beliefs, because I truly respect the beliefs and opinions of others, whether I agree or disagree with said beliefs/opinions. However, I'll say this: I truly believe that all dogs go to heaven, and if you're reading this blog now and you've ever lost a pet, know that he or she is truly in a better place. They don't feel any pain, and they continue to bring joy and love to all those around them. Seriously, could you imagine Heaven without our pets?
"Hi, welcome to Heaven, here's your room key (I have no idea why locks would be needed in Heaven, but just go with it). Heaven is truly the greatest place ever."
"Wow, I made it to Heaven!! This is great, I can see my dog again!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, but there's been a big misunderstanding; we don't allow pets, trash pick up is on Tuesday, and HBO costs extra. However, ESPN is free."
That's not Heaven. By the very definition of the word, pets have to be there, and they are there, and I know Shelly greeted Sable with a big kiss on her wet nose, and they immediately began to chase each other in a great big meadow that God prepared for all dogs. The only difference is, Shelly has her young pup legs, so she can keep up a whole lot better with Sable. And I know they can see and hear me know, and they both know how much they are loved and missed by their family.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Return of the King
OK, I've been lazy about my updates (I almost forgot I had this thing I've been so focused on other stuff), and the title is a bit self glossy, but it's the only thing I could come up with. So, let's hit on th recent stuWhen we last heard from our hero, he had just gotten an agent. There's a difference with exclusivity and signing talent in New York versus Atlanta. There's really no need to go into the finer points of it (if you have any questions, shoot me an email and I'll be happy to answer as best I can).
Also, now that the cat is out of the bag, yes, I did make a surprise return to Atlanta this past week. There was a bunch going on (my buddy Matt's 30th birthday, Chapman's last show at Whole World, and my friend Ashley's going away party). If you know me or anything about me, you'll know that if I'm a terrible secret keeper and an even worse hider. So Chapman, Matt, Stack, and I decided to have me make a surprise appearance at the Playing in Traffic Improv Show this past Sunday (we also made a trip to New Orleans this past weekend, but that's another blog). I flew in last Saturday (after being denied boarding on my flight which resulted in a later flight AND a FREE roundtrip ticket anywhere in the US). So I arrive in the ATL amidst many calls of "so are you coming in town?, etc." Keep in mind, I don't like lying to my friends, but the mission was at stake. Fast forward to Sunday, and here's the gameplan. I rode over to the studio in Brooke's trunk (that's what she said....oh, and she's Matt's girlfriend, who was also in on the whole thing). Chapman has the folks who are working the show in Nick's office so I can sneak in and hide under a table backstage (this is all happening about 45 minutes before the show). First shot at this whole thing, the door is locked, so back in the trunk for me. Chap gets the door open, I burst out of the trunk and high-tail it backstage and no one sees me. Now the next step in the plan (other than me having to be quiet and still for almost an hour). The game that I was going to enter was called "1, 2, 3." Essentially, it's 3 players, and the emcee manipulates how many people he (or she) wants on stage. If 3 players on stage and he calls "1," 2 need to justifiably leave. If he (or she) then calls "2," another player must justifiably enter. OK, good, so you get the set up. Now, the game was going to involve Matt, Stack, and Kelly Coker. If you know Coker, her and I are very close and she's also one of the most excitable people you will meet. I thought it'd be hilarious to surprise her for Matt's birthday (the reaction being the gift...can't put a price tag on that). Now, the other X-factor involved was the 2 other troupe members in the bull pen, Dave and Lara. Chapman was going to call "1" at some point in the scene, and Stack and Matt had to exit over by me, and after a few moments he was going to call "4," and I would enter back on and surprise Kelly. Now Dave and Lara being the good improv actors they are, if they had heard "4," they'd be on it in a heartbeat. So, to make sure they wouldn't enter, Chapman told them that he would be entering the scene on "4," and to just wait. OK, so that brings us up to the actual game. It's going on for a good 2 minutes or so (an improv enternity), and finally Chapman calls "1," and Matt and Stack tell Coker that they're both leaving, and they exit by me (oh, the set up for the scene was that it was a high school reunion, and Matt had established that they were the class president, vice president, and treasurer, respectively). After a good 30 seconds of Coker on stage, "4" is called, and Matt, Stack, and myself come back, and the audience was shocked. I was convinced Coker would've laughed her head off, but instead she started crying. Now that's an honest reaction (and in case you're wondering, I was Todd, the class parliamentarian, ready to bring back the discipline). The whole thing couldn't have gone any better, and I had a great time seeing everyone and catching up. Incidentaly, if I didn't get a chance to see you, and you feel slighted or peeved that I didn't tell you ahead of time, I'm sorry. A lot of planning went into this week, and Matt's one of my closest friends, and it was his 30th birthday. However, I only had a few days, so again, my 30th is coming up soon, and it's going to be an 80's prom in Atlanta (unless you all want to fly to New York, which might be kind of a cluster f---. So, until November...in the mean time, I had a great time, I miss and love you all....oh, and here's a few photos from the shennanigans post show. En-JOY!!!
OK, this is the kind of ridiculousness that I'm accustomed to. From left to right, that's Stack (aka Ringo), Vinnie (aka George), me (aka John), and the man of the hour Matt (aka Paul), and we just sold our 200th car...it's an inside joke.
That's me with my brother, Kevin. Yes, the resemblance is uncanny. Also, his couch is very comfortable, and he'll be visiting me at the end of August for Labor Day. Can't wait.
That's me with my Coker, Stack, Vinnie, Matt, and his girlfriend Brooke. Kelly is so great. Her favorite pastime is to tickle me and my brother, but not at the same time.
Why do I make such faces when I'm getting my picture taken? That's Jen to the left, with Chapman's girlfriend Jennifer, Jeff to her right, and Brian Chapman in teacher mode on top.
That's Nick to my left. He's the owner of the Professional Actor's Studio in Buckhead. Nick's quite a character, and I'm very proud that I studied at his studio, because Nick genuinely cares about his actors, and I made some of my best contacts and life long friends at his studio. I owe alot to that place.
Me and Matt. This one just pretty much speaks for itself.
Me, Kelly, and Wendy (aka Mrs. Dave). I can't say enough good things about these two.
Once again, a good shot of Stack, Vinnie, me, Brooke, and Matt. You should've noticed by now that I'm wearing a rockstar bandana in these shots. My hair is super long and it gets in my face and cutting it is not an option (unless my agent tells me so).
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A Long Awaited Update
Time to break from tradition a bit (oh, by actually UPDATING my blog? Yeah, I know...but I have a valid reason). OK, so if you check Facebook, follow this thing, or talk to me, I mentioned that I had something pretty exciting in the works, and following up on my brother's advice (don't be the guy who talks about "I'm going to....," be the guy that says "I just did....,"). His sentiments were followed up by my good friend and fellow actor Tom Thon. So what did I just do? Let's set the stage and begin a tangent like only yours truly can bring you.
My very good friend Alicia Murton has a good friend who is an agent with one of the bigger agencies in New York (no, I'm not going to name drop the aforementioned agents). You know what, I can't hold it in, I had a metting with commercial division of Innovative Artists here in New York, and the meeting could not have gone any better!!! I'm still in a bit of shock, but I have a New York agent. It's super late, and I've been up since 7am, but I'm with them for commercials free lance (my actor buddy Allison explained what it means, and it's good). I'll go into further detail later this week, but THANK YOU ALL for your kind words, your prayers, and everything else. I'm truly blessed!!!
My very good friend Alicia Murton has a good friend who is an agent with one of the bigger agencies in New York (no, I'm not going to name drop the aforementioned agents). You know what, I can't hold it in, I had a metting with commercial division of Innovative Artists here in New York, and the meeting could not have gone any better!!! I'm still in a bit of shock, but I have a New York agent. It's super late, and I've been up since 7am, but I'm with them for commercials free lance (my actor buddy Allison explained what it means, and it's good). I'll go into further detail later this week, but THANK YOU ALL for your kind words, your prayers, and everything else. I'm truly blessed!!!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Broadcast News
OK, let's tee it up. I've been pretty busy over the past few weeks. For starters, if you didn't know, I'm now over at Dos Caminos (different restaurant under the same corporate umbrella). Nice place, I made bangin' money last week, so that's all good. So I'm in New York, got a good place, I like my job, it's time to start rockin' and rollin', which I have something in the works that I'm keeping on the down low. My brother made a good point, that my friend Tom Thon reiterated. "Don't be that actor who says, 'yeah, I'm working on this, I'm about to do this other thing, blahbuddy blah...be the actor who says, 'I've done this, this, and this.'" Great way to look at things and remain focused. I like it.
I also had some company in town this weekend. My brother Kevin was in town with his buddy Barry and their new friend Lisa (roommate of someone they have in Boston, whom they met in San Diego...yeah, I don't do the math, if you know Kevin and Barry, they make friends very easily, or at a Jason Stackhouse pace). Also, my buddy Brent from High School was in town, and my friend Tom Thon is currently in New York for an audition. We had coffee today. By the way, it was 90 today in Manhattan. This island is not well ventilated. By the way, central air is a blessing from God. I had my AC installed the other day (real old school type, where you mount it to the wall). My room feels MUCH better now (not like the past 2 nights....imagine sleeping in a sauna, because that's how it was). OK, I kept it short and sweet today...back to work!
I also had some company in town this weekend. My brother Kevin was in town with his buddy Barry and their new friend Lisa (roommate of someone they have in Boston, whom they met in San Diego...yeah, I don't do the math, if you know Kevin and Barry, they make friends very easily, or at a Jason Stackhouse pace). Also, my buddy Brent from High School was in town, and my friend Tom Thon is currently in New York for an audition. We had coffee today. By the way, it was 90 today in Manhattan. This island is not well ventilated. By the way, central air is a blessing from God. I had my AC installed the other day (real old school type, where you mount it to the wall). My room feels MUCH better now (not like the past 2 nights....imagine sleeping in a sauna, because that's how it was). OK, I kept it short and sweet today...back to work!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
One Flew Over the Kuckoo's Nest
I more than likely misspelled today's title, so if I did, we'll take care of it later. Let's start today's blog out right. In a previous blog (The Empire Strikes Back), I got on one of my soapboxes to vent, and I think I took it a bit too far by including my parentals. So in the interest of atonement, I'd like to publicly appologize to them. I had a bad day and I snapped and my anger was misplaced. I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong and when I screw up, and I'm doing it. So to mom and dad, I'm sorry I was a big jerk. OK, now on to he hilarity.
I'm gearing up for 201 and I'm stoked about it. If I haven't mentioned it earlier (I don't usually read previous blogs even though I wrote them). I swapped to the intensive (I'll be done in 2 weeks as opposed to a month), plus my show will be before my good buddy Matt's 30th and I'll get to party with him, Stack, and Vinnie (fellow Illuminati members). On top of that, I spoke with my 101 teacher about a possible internship at UCB and he said once I was done with 201 to let him know and he'd give me a shining recommendation. So all good stuff in terms of networking going on. It also looks like I'll be transferring from Ruby Foo's to Dos Caminos (thanks to my buddy Allison). That's a sister restaurant of the B.R. Guest (get it, it's a clever play on words!!!) corporate umbrella. I met with the GM John, he was super cool and it looks like it'll work out. I'm scheduled to start over there on Monday, so that's exciting. The last obstacle in the way is the current GM where I work, Phil. I've vented about him before, but I don't think I've gone into too much detail. Let me bring you into the Ruby Foo's Times Square for a moment.
First off, there are some pretty nice people I work with (who are probably reading this blog). As a keen observer, I've noticed a few things. The two managers who are great and great to work with (Jose and Lucien) are both leaving, which means if I weren't transferring, I'd be stuck with Jenn the Gossip, Alex the new manager (who just kind of looks....I don't know....well, I do know, I just won't say right yet),Eric (he's OK...he means well, so I really don't have a beef even though I was completely right the other evening...but I digress), and Phil, the GM (where do I begin?). So with my keen powers of observation (well, me, and about 15 other people) are noticing that the captain's crew is abandoning ship. Good people don't typically leave in droves, and don't tell me it's the recession because people still have to eat. Phil's the kind of guy to point out everything you're doing wrong while you're busy, but never offer any kind of help. I guess I can't blame him. After all, it's extremely hard to stand around and criticize employees on a daily basis. With Memorial Day coming up this weekend, listen to how we're "celebrating" at the Foo. We're going to serve BBQ at an Asian themed restaurant (the aforementioned Foo) whilst dressed as cowboys/cowgirls. That's exactly how we plan on driving more traffic into the restaurant. Just a take a few moments to re-read the previous two sentences and let that bad boy digest. It's fine, I'll wait....
OK, let's break it down; cowboys serving BBQ at an Asian restaurnat. Maybe if the question is "can you name three things that couldn't possibly go together in this lifetime or even this dimension?" Let me add another layer; we'll be playing Top 40 music while people eat (they rejected my idea of playing some real Country music, like Merle Haggard or the Highwaymen, but Phil told me that it wouldn't "work well"). Really. I'm still trying to noodle this one out. You know, I think nothing says "let's honor those who died for out country's freedom" than "cowboy." Not red, white, and blue, not the men hoisting the American flag at Iwa Jima, hell, not even pictures of Ike, Washington, or Kennedy. No, it's definitely gun sliggin', horse ropin', prairie roamin' cowboys. Maybe if we were celebrating the annexation of the Republic of Texas into the United States, I could see the whole cowboy thing going down. Maybe if we were a barbeque joint, I can understand it. Hell, maybe why not dressing up as genie's, play some reggae and serve fondue; it makes about as much sense. We could even try pilgrims, gangster rap, and serve new-American cuisine. I can go on and on, so you see where I'm going with this whole line of thinking. So anywho, that's enough bitching by yours truly. Happy Memorial Day, and we'll be right back after a message from our sponsors!
I'm gearing up for 201 and I'm stoked about it. If I haven't mentioned it earlier (I don't usually read previous blogs even though I wrote them). I swapped to the intensive (I'll be done in 2 weeks as opposed to a month), plus my show will be before my good buddy Matt's 30th and I'll get to party with him, Stack, and Vinnie (fellow Illuminati members). On top of that, I spoke with my 101 teacher about a possible internship at UCB and he said once I was done with 201 to let him know and he'd give me a shining recommendation. So all good stuff in terms of networking going on. It also looks like I'll be transferring from Ruby Foo's to Dos Caminos (thanks to my buddy Allison). That's a sister restaurant of the B.R. Guest (get it, it's a clever play on words!!!) corporate umbrella. I met with the GM John, he was super cool and it looks like it'll work out. I'm scheduled to start over there on Monday, so that's exciting. The last obstacle in the way is the current GM where I work, Phil. I've vented about him before, but I don't think I've gone into too much detail. Let me bring you into the Ruby Foo's Times Square for a moment.
First off, there are some pretty nice people I work with (who are probably reading this blog). As a keen observer, I've noticed a few things. The two managers who are great and great to work with (Jose and Lucien) are both leaving, which means if I weren't transferring, I'd be stuck with Jenn the Gossip, Alex the new manager (who just kind of looks....I don't know....well, I do know, I just won't say right yet),Eric (he's OK...he means well, so I really don't have a beef even though I was completely right the other evening...but I digress), and Phil, the GM (where do I begin?). So with my keen powers of observation (well, me, and about 15 other people) are noticing that the captain's crew is abandoning ship. Good people don't typically leave in droves, and don't tell me it's the recession because people still have to eat. Phil's the kind of guy to point out everything you're doing wrong while you're busy, but never offer any kind of help. I guess I can't blame him. After all, it's extremely hard to stand around and criticize employees on a daily basis. With Memorial Day coming up this weekend, listen to how we're "celebrating" at the Foo. We're going to serve BBQ at an Asian themed restaurant (the aforementioned Foo) whilst dressed as cowboys/cowgirls. That's exactly how we plan on driving more traffic into the restaurant. Just a take a few moments to re-read the previous two sentences and let that bad boy digest. It's fine, I'll wait....
OK, let's break it down; cowboys serving BBQ at an Asian restaurnat. Maybe if the question is "can you name three things that couldn't possibly go together in this lifetime or even this dimension?" Let me add another layer; we'll be playing Top 40 music while people eat (they rejected my idea of playing some real Country music, like Merle Haggard or the Highwaymen, but Phil told me that it wouldn't "work well"). Really. I'm still trying to noodle this one out. You know, I think nothing says "let's honor those who died for out country's freedom" than "cowboy." Not red, white, and blue, not the men hoisting the American flag at Iwa Jima, hell, not even pictures of Ike, Washington, or Kennedy. No, it's definitely gun sliggin', horse ropin', prairie roamin' cowboys. Maybe if we were celebrating the annexation of the Republic of Texas into the United States, I could see the whole cowboy thing going down. Maybe if we were a barbeque joint, I can understand it. Hell, maybe why not dressing up as genie's, play some reggae and serve fondue; it makes about as much sense. We could even try pilgrims, gangster rap, and serve new-American cuisine. I can go on and on, so you see where I'm going with this whole line of thinking. So anywho, that's enough bitching by yours truly. Happy Memorial Day, and we'll be right back after a message from our sponsors!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Can't Hardly Wait
OK, so this weekend was pretty cool. We had our 101 Grad show, and I have to say it was pretty surreal to get to be on the UCB stage. If you've never been to the theater, let me put you in one of the seats.
The UCB Theater is located on W 26th St. in Chelsea (that's kind of southwest Manhattan), and when you go in the front door, you go down a set of stairs to the box office, and go to the right, and it's sort of a three-quarter round set up (for those not familiar with theater terminology, imagine a stage that where the audience sits in front of the stage, to left of the stage, and to the right of the stage, all facing said stage). Got it? Good. The theater used to be a "gentleman's club," but Guiliani shut it down back in the day, and now it's a theater. It's also underneath a Gristedes (that's like a Kroger if you're from the south, Jewell-Oscoe if you're from the Midwest, and a Vonn's if you're from the southwest). It's got a gritty, intimate feel to it; definitely New York, and it's always packed (the line goes down the street most nights to get in). So, I get there before my call time, grab a Gatorade from the Duane-Reade (drugstore like Eckerd, CVS, or Rite-Aid), and start talking basketball with my instructor, Ari (he was a fantastic teacher...like a high energy Chapman, but I digress). Everyone showed up, we warmed up a bit, and then we were divided into 2 teams (I'm kind of glad we got to go first, because then I got to really enjoy the second set and not be influenced by anything I saw previously). So our group heads backstage, and as we're hanging out, I throw the idea out there for "Mutual Admiration Society." It's not a new concept, as we've done this a bunch with PIT in Atlanta. It's just a great way to get centered and bring good energy onstage. The premise is to have one person face the group, and we go down the line and each person says something nice about the person facing the group. We go until everyone has heard how awesome he or she is, and then you get to rock out. As we're mutually admiring, Ari lets us know that we're about to go on and wants to know who our captain was (it ended up being me, which was pretty cool). Team captains act as a pseudo emcee by getting an audience suggestion and introducing the next group. The only awkward thing for me was that I had to be first onstage, which if you know me or you've seen me perform, I really like being the last one onstage (or up the stairs). Not only that, I really like taking my sweet-ass time too. No biggie, that's just a Brian thing. So, channelling my friend and mentor Brian Chapman, I proceed to get an audience suggestion (which ended up being "paper-cut"), and the show was on.
Man, did I miss performing!!! It felt like being home again, I had so much fun. Both teams did a great job (Incidentally, our name was "Accidental Europe" and the other team name was "The Screaming Dingleberry's). Remember that scene in "Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl," where Jack Sparrow is reunited with the Pearl at the end of the movie? Yeah, that times about 1.4 million is about how I felt getting onstage. Our scenework was very good overall, and I had a great time. I'm also glad my buddy Dale talked me into doing the slightly longer intensive, as I got to meet and hang out with some really cool people. I think I'm going to try an intensive foe 201 (if it's still open tomorrow; as of now, I'm signed up for Tues/Thurs starting July 7, but I'm really looking to take a big bite out of this thing. I'd love to start earlier because I'm getting so much out of it. Jeff Pack is enjoying his journey into improv in LA as well, and we had the idea together about some of the Atlanta folks making a pilgrimmage to either NY or LA to take an intensive. By doing that, you can knock out all the classes (including 401) in less than a year AND it's tax deductilbe (I'm not a tax expert, I haven't played one on TV, but it is a business expense, so there you go). If any of the Briantologists are interested in this idea, let me know (I have to limit this to actors looking to A) move to one of the big two markets, 2) be an actor right now, D) I have to know you pretty well, which if you have to ask yourself that question, you know the answer). Anyway, just throwing that idea out there. Helen and I are up here, so...it's cool. Man, 201 is going to be so exciting...
The UCB Theater is located on W 26th St. in Chelsea (that's kind of southwest Manhattan), and when you go in the front door, you go down a set of stairs to the box office, and go to the right, and it's sort of a three-quarter round set up (for those not familiar with theater terminology, imagine a stage that where the audience sits in front of the stage, to left of the stage, and to the right of the stage, all facing said stage). Got it? Good. The theater used to be a "gentleman's club," but Guiliani shut it down back in the day, and now it's a theater. It's also underneath a Gristedes (that's like a Kroger if you're from the south, Jewell-Oscoe if you're from the Midwest, and a Vonn's if you're from the southwest). It's got a gritty, intimate feel to it; definitely New York, and it's always packed (the line goes down the street most nights to get in). So, I get there before my call time, grab a Gatorade from the Duane-Reade (drugstore like Eckerd, CVS, or Rite-Aid), and start talking basketball with my instructor, Ari (he was a fantastic teacher...like a high energy Chapman, but I digress). Everyone showed up, we warmed up a bit, and then we were divided into 2 teams (I'm kind of glad we got to go first, because then I got to really enjoy the second set and not be influenced by anything I saw previously). So our group heads backstage, and as we're hanging out, I throw the idea out there for "Mutual Admiration Society." It's not a new concept, as we've done this a bunch with PIT in Atlanta. It's just a great way to get centered and bring good energy onstage. The premise is to have one person face the group, and we go down the line and each person says something nice about the person facing the group. We go until everyone has heard how awesome he or she is, and then you get to rock out. As we're mutually admiring, Ari lets us know that we're about to go on and wants to know who our captain was (it ended up being me, which was pretty cool). Team captains act as a pseudo emcee by getting an audience suggestion and introducing the next group. The only awkward thing for me was that I had to be first onstage, which if you know me or you've seen me perform, I really like being the last one onstage (or up the stairs). Not only that, I really like taking my sweet-ass time too. No biggie, that's just a Brian thing. So, channelling my friend and mentor Brian Chapman, I proceed to get an audience suggestion (which ended up being "paper-cut"), and the show was on.
Man, did I miss performing!!! It felt like being home again, I had so much fun. Both teams did a great job (Incidentally, our name was "Accidental Europe" and the other team name was "The Screaming Dingleberry's). Remember that scene in "Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl," where Jack Sparrow is reunited with the Pearl at the end of the movie? Yeah, that times about 1.4 million is about how I felt getting onstage. Our scenework was very good overall, and I had a great time. I'm also glad my buddy Dale talked me into doing the slightly longer intensive, as I got to meet and hang out with some really cool people. I think I'm going to try an intensive foe 201 (if it's still open tomorrow; as of now, I'm signed up for Tues/Thurs starting July 7, but I'm really looking to take a big bite out of this thing. I'd love to start earlier because I'm getting so much out of it. Jeff Pack is enjoying his journey into improv in LA as well, and we had the idea together about some of the Atlanta folks making a pilgrimmage to either NY or LA to take an intensive. By doing that, you can knock out all the classes (including 401) in less than a year AND it's tax deductilbe (I'm not a tax expert, I haven't played one on TV, but it is a business expense, so there you go). If any of the Briantologists are interested in this idea, let me know (I have to limit this to actors looking to A) move to one of the big two markets, 2) be an actor right now, D) I have to know you pretty well, which if you have to ask yourself that question, you know the answer). Anyway, just throwing that idea out there. Helen and I are up here, so...it's cool. Man, 201 is going to be so exciting...
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
You know, I got to thinking today. I'm by no means an answer man (I know what I just wrote, but hear me out for a second). I got to thinking about living up here, and how I've been living in New York City for about 3 months now and just how cool it is that EVERYTHING is at your fingertips here. I was thinking about some of my friends back in the ATL who are considering moving or they're about to move, and I'd like to give you a step by step guide to get to the place you want to be, be it New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, or Billings, Montana (I hear it's a big time up and coming theatre place). Also, this is an open forum, so I'm throwing an invite out to my good buddy Jeff Pack (my fellow Samurai warrior) to comment away and add his take as well. Just for the record, I love your comments, so if you read my blog and I check back to see if anyone has commented, I view "shutouts" (i.e. zero comments) as a failed blog. Moving right along...
First and foremost, have a reason to go. Don't just go for the sake of going. It's a simile I've used before, but it'd be like throwing a spear at the moon. I've known people who've said "I'm going to LA to act because so and so said I have talent." Wait, screw that, I'm getting on my soapbox again, and I could easily delete that last sentence, but as in improv, it's already out there. I'm gearing this to the LA/NY ready ATL actors (and if you're reading this, you know who you are). Be very specific in what you want to get out of said market. Going out to act is rather abstract, so I'd attack the business end of things and find out how you can meet the people who can put you on television or in films. I'm sorry, I see that I just rhymed, and I'm totally feeling a poem coming on, so let's see if we can bust out a haiku.
Thinking of moving,
New York, LA, calling out,
Planning is the key.
Awesome. You're plan is what's going to keep you grounded and focused on what you want while you're rocking and rolling. When the city pushes you, you push back and tell yourself "remember why you came here." OK, so we've got step one down, step two can be a bit daunting, but it's a necessity. It's essentially you're going to stay when you arrive. I have to stop again for a second, not because my non-diagnosed ADD is kicking in, but I want to reiterate something; moving to one of the "Big Two" clearly doesn't guarantee success, and you can certainly have a world of success without going to New York or LA (interesting fact, Kevin Bacon did it all out of Philadelphia, PA). Knowing what you want will answer where you should be so you can set yourself up for your success (be it Birmingham, AL or Alpha Centuri, all though I have no idea why one would want to pursue an acting career on the second closest star to the earth, seeing as it's a red dwarf, but if you want to travel that many parsecs, be my guest). OK, back on task. So you know what you want to accomplish, it's not in Atlanta, you've made your choice between NY and LA, so what do you do? It's humbling, but this is where you take advantage of your friends. Lob phone calls and ask if you can crash on his or her couch, fouton, floor, coffee table, etc. I was fortunate to have my friend Helen let me crash at her pad, and I'll be forever grateful. My goal was to get in and get out, because I didn't want to be "that guy" (I'm already "that guy" in so many other scenarios, there's no need to add another). So you stack them up. Helen was awesome and she would've made sure her psycho former roommate didn't make me feel like a total deadbeat while I was couch surfing. But to not push that envelope, I tried to make sure I had a few backups in place. I was VERY lucky to find my place (and if you're wondering, Lena is muy buena. Ella es el mejor amiga de cuarto). OK, so key points of my ramblings here are have friends where you're going (if you're reading this, you already have me, and I'll do any and everything in my power to help out if you decide to move to New York from Atlanta...and I know you of course, I'd hate for me to lob this nice gesture out there and some creep to show up at my door with this blog printed out). Anyway, you get the drift.
Now, you've made up your mind, you've got a place to stay lined up. Let's talk dollars and cents. Most people say "you need X amount of money if you're even considering moving." I don't want to say that is wrong, but here's the key to take away. X amount merely represents a rough estimate for a few months of living and not having a job. You really just need moving money (deposits, first month, and money to move). Don't be ridiculous ("I think $383 will definetely get me rolling in West Hollywood!"). I'll be perfectly honest, I did it with a bit less than $4000. Insane? Possibly, but I knew what I wanted, and I trusted it would work and I wouldn't fall. As long as you have a roof over your head and great friends (it's a good idea to line up a few places and rotate a few days at each place), you can really make any amount work while you're looking for your own pad.
It's really not as hard as it's made out to be. The toughest part? Keeping that focus and remaining excited about it. By excited, I'm talking freaking Navin R. Johnson "The new phonebooks are here, the new phonebooks are here!!!" excited. Why was he excited over something so trivial? Because he "was somebody now." I'll be honest, if you're reading this and thinking about moving or you're setting the date, or you've just moved, it's perfectly human to say to oneself "Man, I'm really going to miss my friends. I can't believe I'm not going to see so and so every day. Well, maybe I don't have to," and of course you don't have to. But who are you cheating? Everything you've built up in Atlanta isn't going to disappear. It's there; house money, as they say in Vegas. Believe me, after my final PIT show at the studio, don't think it didn't cross my mind to stay a bit longer. We had a crazy-packed house, the audience was going nuts for us, everyone was so on, and if you know me, those are the kind of things I freaking LIVE for (and if my parents are reading and they're still mad at me, which I know both to be true and it's fine, my drug of choice is performing for a live, packed house!). It was the hardest decision to make, but like Harry Potter, sometimes we have to choose between what's right and what's easy.
So, if you're an Atlanta actor thinking about moving (again, if I talk to you on a regular basis and moving comes up), there you have it. Oh...you also want to talk to people who are smarter in the business and currently having more success than you in the business, and I had long talks with John Cornetta, Michael Cole, Adam Boyer, and Tom Thon, each of whom are four actors from the Atlanta market who've had considerable success, and they gave me some awesome advice. When I made my decision and told one of my closest friends and hetero-lifemate Matt Cornwell (also my improv wingman and the most talented guy I've ever met) he said "man, I'm going to miss you, but I think you're doing the absolute right and the smartest thing for you." That's when I knew that even though I was going to miss everyone, I'd made the right decision.
Questions, comments, how come's, what if's? Open it up!
First and foremost, have a reason to go. Don't just go for the sake of going. It's a simile I've used before, but it'd be like throwing a spear at the moon. I've known people who've said "I'm going to LA to act because so and so said I have talent." Wait, screw that, I'm getting on my soapbox again, and I could easily delete that last sentence, but as in improv, it's already out there. I'm gearing this to the LA/NY ready ATL actors (and if you're reading this, you know who you are). Be very specific in what you want to get out of said market. Going out to act is rather abstract, so I'd attack the business end of things and find out how you can meet the people who can put you on television or in films. I'm sorry, I see that I just rhymed, and I'm totally feeling a poem coming on, so let's see if we can bust out a haiku.
Thinking of moving,
New York, LA, calling out,
Planning is the key.
Awesome. You're plan is what's going to keep you grounded and focused on what you want while you're rocking and rolling. When the city pushes you, you push back and tell yourself "remember why you came here." OK, so we've got step one down, step two can be a bit daunting, but it's a necessity. It's essentially you're going to stay when you arrive. I have to stop again for a second, not because my non-diagnosed ADD is kicking in, but I want to reiterate something; moving to one of the "Big Two" clearly doesn't guarantee success, and you can certainly have a world of success without going to New York or LA (interesting fact, Kevin Bacon did it all out of Philadelphia, PA). Knowing what you want will answer where you should be so you can set yourself up for your success (be it Birmingham, AL or Alpha Centuri, all though I have no idea why one would want to pursue an acting career on the second closest star to the earth, seeing as it's a red dwarf, but if you want to travel that many parsecs, be my guest). OK, back on task. So you know what you want to accomplish, it's not in Atlanta, you've made your choice between NY and LA, so what do you do? It's humbling, but this is where you take advantage of your friends. Lob phone calls and ask if you can crash on his or her couch, fouton, floor, coffee table, etc. I was fortunate to have my friend Helen let me crash at her pad, and I'll be forever grateful. My goal was to get in and get out, because I didn't want to be "that guy" (I'm already "that guy" in so many other scenarios, there's no need to add another). So you stack them up. Helen was awesome and she would've made sure her psycho former roommate didn't make me feel like a total deadbeat while I was couch surfing. But to not push that envelope, I tried to make sure I had a few backups in place. I was VERY lucky to find my place (and if you're wondering, Lena is muy buena. Ella es el mejor amiga de cuarto). OK, so key points of my ramblings here are have friends where you're going (if you're reading this, you already have me, and I'll do any and everything in my power to help out if you decide to move to New York from Atlanta...and I know you of course, I'd hate for me to lob this nice gesture out there and some creep to show up at my door with this blog printed out). Anyway, you get the drift.
Now, you've made up your mind, you've got a place to stay lined up. Let's talk dollars and cents. Most people say "you need X amount of money if you're even considering moving." I don't want to say that is wrong, but here's the key to take away. X amount merely represents a rough estimate for a few months of living and not having a job. You really just need moving money (deposits, first month, and money to move). Don't be ridiculous ("I think $383 will definetely get me rolling in West Hollywood!"). I'll be perfectly honest, I did it with a bit less than $4000. Insane? Possibly, but I knew what I wanted, and I trusted it would work and I wouldn't fall. As long as you have a roof over your head and great friends (it's a good idea to line up a few places and rotate a few days at each place), you can really make any amount work while you're looking for your own pad.
It's really not as hard as it's made out to be. The toughest part? Keeping that focus and remaining excited about it. By excited, I'm talking freaking Navin R. Johnson "The new phonebooks are here, the new phonebooks are here!!!" excited. Why was he excited over something so trivial? Because he "was somebody now." I'll be honest, if you're reading this and thinking about moving or you're setting the date, or you've just moved, it's perfectly human to say to oneself "Man, I'm really going to miss my friends. I can't believe I'm not going to see so and so every day. Well, maybe I don't have to," and of course you don't have to. But who are you cheating? Everything you've built up in Atlanta isn't going to disappear. It's there; house money, as they say in Vegas. Believe me, after my final PIT show at the studio, don't think it didn't cross my mind to stay a bit longer. We had a crazy-packed house, the audience was going nuts for us, everyone was so on, and if you know me, those are the kind of things I freaking LIVE for (and if my parents are reading and they're still mad at me, which I know both to be true and it's fine, my drug of choice is performing for a live, packed house!). It was the hardest decision to make, but like Harry Potter, sometimes we have to choose between what's right and what's easy.
So, if you're an Atlanta actor thinking about moving (again, if I talk to you on a regular basis and moving comes up), there you have it. Oh...you also want to talk to people who are smarter in the business and currently having more success than you in the business, and I had long talks with John Cornetta, Michael Cole, Adam Boyer, and Tom Thon, each of whom are four actors from the Atlanta market who've had considerable success, and they gave me some awesome advice. When I made my decision and told one of my closest friends and hetero-lifemate Matt Cornwell (also my improv wingman and the most talented guy I've ever met) he said "man, I'm going to miss you, but I think you're doing the absolute right and the smartest thing for you." That's when I knew that even though I was going to miss everyone, I'd made the right decision.
Questions, comments, how come's, what if's? Open it up!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Return of the Jedi
Like you didn't see that title coming from a mile away. We're about to wrap up Improv 101 at UCB, and I have to say that I'm glad I took my buddy Dale's advice to take my time and not do the intensive like I planned. I really liked my teacher Ari. Dude is a working actor and he reminds me of a high-energy version of my friend and improv mentor Brian Chapman (which I know I've mentioned before, but it bares repeating). A bunch of us went to Harold night tonight, and it was fun. Beforehand, a few of us went to Central Park to throw the frisbee around and then we grabbed some food at Burritoville (it's good, but it's no Moe's Matt and Stack). We saw some really good improv tonight. Impressive stuff, but you know what? I didn't leave the show going "oh man, what am I going to do, I'm so far away from this, blah blah, woah is me!" My friend Tom Thon told me to stay focused and pay my dues (which I'm doing), but he also reminded me that I'm in my league up here, and I take that as a tremendous compliment from an actor and friend whom I admire and respect on so many levels. On a side note, if you haven't seen Tom perform, you are seriously missing out. The man puts on a clinic every time he takes the stage, and I always learn when I watch him. He's truly one of the best, and if you ever get the chance to see him perform live, DO IT!
Where was I? So I'm watching these performers tonight, and I was impressed, but I also knew it's nothing I can't do (same thing cam be applied to a lot of you reading this). If anything, I was so engergized and invigorated to get up and perform. We have our graduation show this Saturday, and I'm really excited. We have a good spectrum of folks in our class, people who've never acted before, to people who are currently in shows. It's great; I think we're going to have a good show and I'll just try to make my partner look like a bad ass (as I was taught to do). So overall, good stuff happening, and I was really excited to see some good stuff tonight (and in a way, there was a part of me that was a bit bummed because I would LOVE nothing more than to form my own house Harold team with my improv soulmates Matt, Stack, Chapman, Dave, and the rest). I'll throw it out there; come stay with me or Pack and take the first 3 levels of improv (101, 201, and 301), and then you're good to go. We'll call ourselves "the Avengers," and when we go out West we can become "the West Coast Avengers!" (I'm such a freaking nerd...). There's definitely a correlation between trust and performance (not to toot my own horn or anything, but if you've come to a PIT show and watched any combination of the actors perform, you'll see trust in action). Oh, and I know it's a bit self indulgent, but if you're reading this blog...then welcome to the Church of Briantology (making you, yes, you a Briantologist)...
Where was I? So I'm watching these performers tonight, and I was impressed, but I also knew it's nothing I can't do (same thing cam be applied to a lot of you reading this). If anything, I was so engergized and invigorated to get up and perform. We have our graduation show this Saturday, and I'm really excited. We have a good spectrum of folks in our class, people who've never acted before, to people who are currently in shows. It's great; I think we're going to have a good show and I'll just try to make my partner look like a bad ass (as I was taught to do). So overall, good stuff happening, and I was really excited to see some good stuff tonight (and in a way, there was a part of me that was a bit bummed because I would LOVE nothing more than to form my own house Harold team with my improv soulmates Matt, Stack, Chapman, Dave, and the rest). I'll throw it out there; come stay with me or Pack and take the first 3 levels of improv (101, 201, and 301), and then you're good to go. We'll call ourselves "the Avengers," and when we go out West we can become "the West Coast Avengers!" (I'm such a freaking nerd...). There's definitely a correlation between trust and performance (not to toot my own horn or anything, but if you've come to a PIT show and watched any combination of the actors perform, you'll see trust in action). Oh, and I know it's a bit self indulgent, but if you're reading this blog...then welcome to the Church of Briantology (making you, yes, you a Briantologist)...
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The Empire Strikes Back
I guess we can call it a setback, and I've talked to some of you about it (and yes, I need to get on a better blogging schedule), but if you haven't heard, Tavern on the Greene fell through. I'm not mad, just disappointed really. Had I actually cut my hair like they wanted me to (the liked the slicked back look), then I'd be mad. I finished training and got the "we'll let you know," which I found odd, since I filled out tax info and everything. I talked it over with my buddy Dave (dude has been a gem for Playing in Traffic improv and a great friend), and he reassured me that God has a plan for everyone, and he's using you (meaning me, but could be extrapolated to "one..."you know what, forget the semantics) for His highest good. So I think He knows what's best for me. Looking back, I'm actually kind of glad it worked out this way, because while I'm pursuing the goal, I don't want to work somewhere that's underhanded and not forthright, and this place is a BIG union place (please let the record show that I'm neither suggesting nor implying that trade unions are underhanded nor forthright, it's just this particular place). I'm not crazy about the place I work right now, but it's a means to an end, and I'm thankful that I can keep a roof over my head and food on my plate. The plan will happen. To add to matters, my dog Sable had a stroke the other day, and I hear she's fine, but I really didn't need to hear about her being sick. If you've ever met Sable, she's about the sweetest thing you'll meet; Shelly (God rest her soul) was the watchdog, while Sable is everyone's friend. She's the sweetest little baby, and I hate that she had to go through any pain. Believe me, that was on my mind. I'm also trying to get signed up for the next level of classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade, but they're selling out, and I really like my 2 times a week deal that I have. I'm going to talk to my teacher tomorrow and find out about 201 openings. Honestly, I'd love to skip a few levels, and most of the things we've been doing, have been total review (there's some really great nuggets of information, and I really like my teacher, Ari. He reminds me a lot of my comedy mentor/teacher/friend Brian Chapman, but he swears quite a bit. Not really for affect, that's just the way he talks. The way it works is you take 101, 201, 301, and then you're eligible to audition for a house "Harold" team (a "Harold" is a type of long form improv invented by improv guru Del Close in Chicago in the 1960's). I don't want to wait too long to take those classes, I'd prefer to just knock them out. Hopefully, it will all work out.
When you sit and worry about something bad happening to something or someone, it usually happens (there's some validity to what they say in "The Secret"). Tony Robbins is another guy who's great at "vision-casting," and I hate to say it, but I'm not sure you two are "vision-casting" positive things for me. Thank God for my friends in Atlanta and elsewhere who are really rooting me on and seeing the positive coming to me despite this minor setback. People talk about the power of prayer, or "putting out good vibes," or whatever, but they all stem from the same source. Believing that you can. Even if no one else believes in you, or if someone says they believe in you but they really don't, it doesn't matter. Set you're goal and stick to it, because the only person you'll really let down is yourself, and you only really fail if you never try. Now all I need is an After School Special to tag those last few lines on, and I'm set.
When you sit and worry about something bad happening to something or someone, it usually happens (there's some validity to what they say in "The Secret"). Tony Robbins is another guy who's great at "vision-casting," and I hate to say it, but I'm not sure you two are "vision-casting" positive things for me. Thank God for my friends in Atlanta and elsewhere who are really rooting me on and seeing the positive coming to me despite this minor setback. People talk about the power of prayer, or "putting out good vibes," or whatever, but they all stem from the same source. Believing that you can. Even if no one else believes in you, or if someone says they believe in you but they really don't, it doesn't matter. Set you're goal and stick to it, because the only person you'll really let down is yourself, and you only really fail if you never try. Now all I need is an After School Special to tag those last few lines on, and I'm set.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Crossroads
I'm going to seriously have to switch it up to song titles here sooner or later. I'm resorting to Britney Spears' movie titles, and I'm not really at a crossroads, but we'll pick up where the blog "License to Drive" left off. Should've called it "License to Drive 2," but what's done is done. OK, let's dive into it. Tavern on the Green offered me a job, and I accepted. I didn't put 2 weeks at my other place, and I don't think they want me working at both places, all though Tavern is cool with it, but they're not to down with it at the Foo. Oh, and Tavern asked me to cut my hair, which I'm not down with (not all of it, a trim, which my hair isn't down my back or anything, but I'm totally rocking a Jesus-style mane, and I like it). I'll clean it up a bit for them, since they told me I was "perfect" in my interview today. It's also seasonal and I'd be low man on the totem pole (seasonal meaning I'd work from May to October and I'd probably work the least desireable shifts, but I'd still probably be doing better than I was at Foo's...not that I was doing bad, but....Tavern on the Freaking Green....C'mon). I stopped by the Foo today to tell them about it, because I wanted to see if I can balance both along with the acting. And after I wrote that sentence, I have my answer. Actually, I need to thank my friend Bella in Vegas, because I gave her a great simile that I'll use right now (feel free to use it in your life).
When you set a goal (as I've been very forthright with...it's why I moved to NY), you need to make sure everything you do brings you closer to said goal. When moving to one of the big 2 (NY or LA) to pursue "the dream," it's important to A) like where you live and B) like where you work. Foo's is a'ight, I'm not a fan of the GM, and that's being incredibly PC. So I have my pad which I love, and an OK job where I'm making some money. I've now been offered a job where I'll be in the same flexible industry (service industry) in which I'll be making more money. My people pleaser nature wants to balance both jobs along with my acting/improv. I know I'm on a tangent, but here comes our simile (it's not a metaphor because I'll be using "like" or "as").
It's like being at a 24 hour buffett. There's all kinds of good food in front of you. You pick up a few slices of pizza, move down the line, get some macaroni and cheese, oh look, they have those canned peaches in that thick, syrupy peach juice you love so much. Dude, and fruit is totally healthy, get some of those bad boys!! Oh, sweet, Prime Rib, I have room for that too. You get back to your table and start eating, but you can't finish. So you end up throwing everything away and feeling fat and bloated and worse than before. A person's goals are the aforementioned buffet (OK, there's the metaphor, since I said the goals "were" the buffet. Thus concludes today's grammar lesson). It's totally OK to step back from the buffet and look at EVERYTHING. Take that Prime Rib first, and maybe get a few green beans. If you're still hungry, go back for more. If you pile too much on at first, you'll have....."too much on your plate." Make sense? I'll use PowerPoint next time.
I also started my New York Improv journey today, and I really picked the right place to study. Ari is a great instructor, and he took some familiar ideas and really highlighted them niceley. I'm really excited to be in his class. I even saw a few folks from class at the show tonight (we're required to see 2 shows at the theatre before we move on to 201). I'll fill you all in on how Thursday goes. I need to get some rest because I've got to be up in the AM to workout. I miss and love you all!!
When you set a goal (as I've been very forthright with...it's why I moved to NY), you need to make sure everything you do brings you closer to said goal. When moving to one of the big 2 (NY or LA) to pursue "the dream," it's important to A) like where you live and B) like where you work. Foo's is a'ight, I'm not a fan of the GM, and that's being incredibly PC. So I have my pad which I love, and an OK job where I'm making some money. I've now been offered a job where I'll be in the same flexible industry (service industry) in which I'll be making more money. My people pleaser nature wants to balance both jobs along with my acting/improv. I know I'm on a tangent, but here comes our simile (it's not a metaphor because I'll be using "like" or "as").
It's like being at a 24 hour buffett. There's all kinds of good food in front of you. You pick up a few slices of pizza, move down the line, get some macaroni and cheese, oh look, they have those canned peaches in that thick, syrupy peach juice you love so much. Dude, and fruit is totally healthy, get some of those bad boys!! Oh, sweet, Prime Rib, I have room for that too. You get back to your table and start eating, but you can't finish. So you end up throwing everything away and feeling fat and bloated and worse than before. A person's goals are the aforementioned buffet (OK, there's the metaphor, since I said the goals "were" the buffet. Thus concludes today's grammar lesson). It's totally OK to step back from the buffet and look at EVERYTHING. Take that Prime Rib first, and maybe get a few green beans. If you're still hungry, go back for more. If you pile too much on at first, you'll have....."too much on your plate." Make sense? I'll use PowerPoint next time.
I also started my New York Improv journey today, and I really picked the right place to study. Ari is a great instructor, and he took some familiar ideas and really highlighted them niceley. I'm really excited to be in his class. I even saw a few folks from class at the show tonight (we're required to see 2 shows at the theatre before we move on to 201). I'll fill you all in on how Thursday goes. I need to get some rest because I've got to be up in the AM to workout. I miss and love you all!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
License to Drive
Greetings once again all. First thing, I FINALLY got my license updated at the New York DMV. What a freaking pain. Anyway, it's done, and when I went to pay for it, the lady didn't care too much for my picture. I'll show y'all whenever I see you (if you visit or I visit), but essentially, I'm not looking at the camera, more or less just looking off in the distance, and my hair is...well everywhere. I look like Jesus taking a picture for Olan Mills. Tomorrow is a big day (not only is it my dad's birthday, so if you read this, send my dad a birthday wish), but it's also my first day with the Upright Citizens Brigade. I'm pumped. It'll be nice to get the improv rust off and get rockin' and rollin' again. I also want to send a big THANK YOU to Dave and Wendy down in Atlanta. I was heading to work on Saturday morning, and I saw there was a nice care package waiting in front of my door. I was floored. I really can't thank you enough (all of you really) for your support, your prayers, and being the just wonderful people to know. I'm truly blessed.
Speaking of blessed, I received a phone call today from Tavern on the Green. For those new to the blog, I applied there when I first moved to New York, and they had me there for an hour and a half (obviously a good sign), but I never heard from them. If you didn't know, Tavern is the most profitable restaurant on the planet (somewhere in the neighborhood of 70 million in profit last year), and I've got an interview there tomorrow. Kind of cool, even though I have a job right now, and it's super flexible (perfect for an actor...that's why we work at such BS jobs in ther first place), however more money is always good and that would definitely be the case at Tavern. Plus, the GM where I work is....well, I'm not really sure how to put this, but he's a total douche. He offers no help, and he micromanages (which doesn't sit well with me, but it's money, it's flexible, so we'll see). Otherwise, I'm doing great and loving the city. Sorry I haven't been able to come up with any cool allegorys or analogies yet, but I'm sure one will strike me this week. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!!
Speaking of blessed, I received a phone call today from Tavern on the Green. For those new to the blog, I applied there when I first moved to New York, and they had me there for an hour and a half (obviously a good sign), but I never heard from them. If you didn't know, Tavern is the most profitable restaurant on the planet (somewhere in the neighborhood of 70 million in profit last year), and I've got an interview there tomorrow. Kind of cool, even though I have a job right now, and it's super flexible (perfect for an actor...that's why we work at such BS jobs in ther first place), however more money is always good and that would definitely be the case at Tavern. Plus, the GM where I work is....well, I'm not really sure how to put this, but he's a total douche. He offers no help, and he micromanages (which doesn't sit well with me, but it's money, it's flexible, so we'll see). Otherwise, I'm doing great and loving the city. Sorry I haven't been able to come up with any cool allegorys or analogies yet, but I'm sure one will strike me this week. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Semi-Pro
What is up Briantologists!!! The biggest news for me over the last few days is that I've officially joined the Upright Citizens Brigade. Ironically, my buddy Pack starts the day before I do (April 21). I'll be going twice a week to knock out the introductory course so I can start moving up the ranks. For those of you who don't know, UCB was one of the reasons I came to New York. It's one of the premier improv training grounds in the country, and I'm really stoked to be studying there. I talked to my buddy and personal improv Obi-Wan, Brian Chapman, about how they start everyone off in introductory, and his response was just classic. "OK, so go in and dominate." Can do. I know Pack and I will represent PIT well on the coasts. Along with signing up for UCB, I've been perusing acting classes as well. Obviously to keep the instrument in tune, but more or less because that is where you make your contacts to move to the next level. When I started at the Pro Actors Studio 4 years ago, I didn't know anyone and had a handful of theatre credits to my name. Flash forward about a year and a half, I was repped by one of the best agencies (if not the best) in Atlanta or the southeast, Houghton Talent, I was continually working, and I was building a nice reel for myself (mainly by being recommended by friends). This business is seriously who you know, and if I have to play the political game to get where I want, so be it. The class I'm looking at was recommended by my friend Ashley, and it's the William Esper studio. Great Alumni and it's basically grounded in Meisner Technique, which is what I'm all about (i.e. Meisner is basically listening and reacting, or living truthfully under imagineary circumstances....sounds easy, right? Yeah, it's not). I also signed up for a New York parks membership. Basically, for $75 per year, or $37.50 for 6 months, you get unlimited park access, which includes indoor pools, workout facilities, and a rock climbing wall. I worked out today, and I'm good and sore. In the words of Ron Burgundy, "it's the deep burn!!!" So, if you've been wondering how I've been up here and what I've been up to recently, you are now caught up. Oh, that and I hate tax day, but I don't want to get on my soapbox about that (and you don't want it either...trust me, once I get upon that thing, there's no getting me down). Final thought....TBS is playing "Wild Wild West" now. No Stack, it's not a good movie, but you're still my boy. Terrible movie, no wonder the Fresh Prince started checking out Scientology...
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Pride of the Yankees
OK, so Adam and Matt and Brooke were in town this past weekend. Let's travel back to this Saturday when Adam showed up. For those of you who don't know, Adam is my buddy from my Einstein's days. We talk sports quite a bit (college football, the SEC, why the DH is a terrible idea, etc.), and he has family who live on the upper west side. So he got into town Saturday and met us at Trailer Park down in Chelsea. Him and I ended up closing the bar down with a few other folks, and as we were making our way out the door, this cute girl starts talking to me and informs me that it's her birthday and she wanted a shot. Typically, I don't fall for this line (seeing as it's her 21st birthday and all, I actually called BS to her, but I was a bit more eloquent). I finally relented and asked what she wanted a shot of, and she said "jaeger." Wow. Heavy hitter at 21. This is Stackhouses kind of woman, as he's a big time jaeger guy. So I buy her a shot, but I can't just pay for the shot on my card, it's a $20 minimum. Of course, no good deed goes unpunished. So I buy Adam and I shots as well. She gets her equally cute friend Holly to come over, and wanted me to buy her a shot as well. Yeah, nice try. I offered an alternative. Let's find another bar to go grab drinks, which they were receptive. Awesome. To add to the awesomeness, they had a dude with them who was Holly's brother. OK, so three dude's and two girls, pretty good odds. We start walking and birthday shot girl (Kristen) and I begin discussing our love of the Office. Adam and Holly are getting along great too, while the other guy is kind of following behind. We find this other bar, and Holly picks up the first round. I'll cut to the chase. Turns out that Kristen is dating the other dude. Basically, I told her it's too bad she's got a boyfriend, because I'd have asked for her number, which surprised her (ladies, guys know you like to flirt for free drinks, so it's not a big deal). We got home later that night and crashed.
The next day was Matt and Brooke's last in town. I ended up meeting Adam at the Museum of Natural History. The cool thing was they were closing in 30 minutes, and they don't check your ticket, so I snuck in through the gift shop. Pretty sweet. We ended up checking out a bunch of dinosaur fossils, a mummified wolly mammoth, and other mammals from the early Cenozoic (I'll explain the Cenozoic in another blog for those that don't understand). Matt and Brooke left that early the next morning, and I miss 'em already.
Monday night, Adam and I took in a game at Yankee Stadium. We got a couple of $30 tickets, and had decent seats. Good view of the field and all the action, so no complaints here. Brian note: I grew up a Yankees fan until I was about 12 or 13. When asked who's my favorite baseball team now, I have to say the Atlanta Braves. Never thought they'd pass the Yankees for me, but things change. I saw my first baseball game at Yankee Stadium when I was 9 years old. It really is quite a sight. For those of you who haven't heard, both Yankee and Shea Stadium (home of the Mets) are being torn down and replaced by new stadiums. Now Shea is a pile of crap, reminiscent of such architectural wonders and Veterans Stadium (former home of the Phillies) and Fulton County Stadium (former home of the Braves). Their new pad is going to be sort of a cross between the old Polo Grounds (where the New York Giants played before moving to San Fransisco) and Ebbets Field (former home of the Brooklyn Dodgers). The Yankees are going to play in New Yankee Stadium which is literally next door. I never thought I'd say this, but it's a good thing Yankee Stadium is being replaced. You read that correctly. Yankee Stadium back in the 30's and 40's was great (from what I heard and read), and that's what they're going for next door. Don't get me wrong, Yankee Stadium is a landmark, but as far as watching a ball game, there's no way in hell it holds up to the modern day fan friendly stadiums like Camden Yards in Baltimore, AT&T Park in San Fransisco, and Turner Field in Atlanta. It was like walking through a cellar, and the field looked terrible. It looked like something that a rec league would play on. I think part of it has to do with the extensive renovations done to the stadium in the 70's that took away most of its charm. It's not like that anymore. If people are going to fork over their hard-earned money to go to games, it's all about the experience, and the retro ballparks provide that. At AT&T park, there's a spot you can walk by and watch a game for free. At Turner Field, you can purchase tickets and stand in center field and watch the game, or drink a beer in the Chop House and watch the action. I hope New Yankee Stadium offers some of these amenities.
Again, sorry for being a slacker, I'll try to post more!!
The next day was Matt and Brooke's last in town. I ended up meeting Adam at the Museum of Natural History. The cool thing was they were closing in 30 minutes, and they don't check your ticket, so I snuck in through the gift shop. Pretty sweet. We ended up checking out a bunch of dinosaur fossils, a mummified wolly mammoth, and other mammals from the early Cenozoic (I'll explain the Cenozoic in another blog for those that don't understand). Matt and Brooke left that early the next morning, and I miss 'em already.
Monday night, Adam and I took in a game at Yankee Stadium. We got a couple of $30 tickets, and had decent seats. Good view of the field and all the action, so no complaints here. Brian note: I grew up a Yankees fan until I was about 12 or 13. When asked who's my favorite baseball team now, I have to say the Atlanta Braves. Never thought they'd pass the Yankees for me, but things change. I saw my first baseball game at Yankee Stadium when I was 9 years old. It really is quite a sight. For those of you who haven't heard, both Yankee and Shea Stadium (home of the Mets) are being torn down and replaced by new stadiums. Now Shea is a pile of crap, reminiscent of such architectural wonders and Veterans Stadium (former home of the Phillies) and Fulton County Stadium (former home of the Braves). Their new pad is going to be sort of a cross between the old Polo Grounds (where the New York Giants played before moving to San Fransisco) and Ebbets Field (former home of the Brooklyn Dodgers). The Yankees are going to play in New Yankee Stadium which is literally next door. I never thought I'd say this, but it's a good thing Yankee Stadium is being replaced. You read that correctly. Yankee Stadium back in the 30's and 40's was great (from what I heard and read), and that's what they're going for next door. Don't get me wrong, Yankee Stadium is a landmark, but as far as watching a ball game, there's no way in hell it holds up to the modern day fan friendly stadiums like Camden Yards in Baltimore, AT&T Park in San Fransisco, and Turner Field in Atlanta. It was like walking through a cellar, and the field looked terrible. It looked like something that a rec league would play on. I think part of it has to do with the extensive renovations done to the stadium in the 70's that took away most of its charm. It's not like that anymore. If people are going to fork over their hard-earned money to go to games, it's all about the experience, and the retro ballparks provide that. At AT&T park, there's a spot you can walk by and watch a game for free. At Turner Field, you can purchase tickets and stand in center field and watch the game, or drink a beer in the Chop House and watch the action. I hope New Yankee Stadium offers some of these amenities.
Again, sorry for being a slacker, I'll try to post more!!
Monday, April 7, 2008
Road Trip
OK, since I've been a slack-ass, y'all are in for a treat. I'll be posting TWO blogs today. Apparently, I've been a bit long-winded in my blogs (I know, who'd of thought me being long-winded). Anyway, let's waste time...
I've been super-busy at my job, which is good, because I'll be making money. Last Saturday, I ran into a friend's sister at the restaurant (I didn't recognize her at first, just mentioned I knew some guys who used to play football for Georgia Tech. Small world). Meeting a fellow Parkview grad in Times Square of all places, let alone a fellow Atlantan.
I was counting down the days for this past Wednesday. Some of you know why, but if you don't, I'll share. My buddy Matt and his girlfriend Brooke flew into town. I got off work, went home and changed, and went to meet them in Times Square. Man, it was great seeing some familiar faces. For those of you who don't know (though I'd imagine most of you do), Matt and I go back a few years from theater in Atlanta. I'd say him and Stackhouse are my two closest friends. We're also Playing in Traffic Improv guys (for more information, go to www.pitimprov.com because this troupe is the jam). We're pretty much cut from the same mold. So I meet them, and we head to Park Slope in Brookly where they'll be staying. We kept putting Brooke in charge of where we were going, which Matt and I found fun, but Brooke wasn't a fan of. After we dropped their stuff off, we got some burgers and beer at this place that I can't remember the name of. Abell met us down there, and we all had a good time. We then went home and prepared for the next days shennanigans: Atlantic City.
We met up at the Port Authority on 42nd St. and bought our tickets to Atlantic City via the bus. Here's how it works with going to Atlantic City from New York. It's $33 roundtrip, and buses run 24 hours a day, and your ticket is good for 4 days. It's between 2.5 and 3 hours to get there. When you get off the bus, they give you a voucher that you can cash in for $21, so total out of pocket cost for a round trip ticket to Atlantic City is $12. Not to shabby. What's even less shabby is Matt was able to score us a FREE room in Caesar's palace. Yes, I'm going to post pictures as soon as my email receives them from my phone. Chillax folks. So we drop our stuff off and decide to hit a Ruby Tuesday for dinner, then it's time to gamble. Now if you've never been to a casino, one of the perks is that drinks (i.e. "big kid drinks") are free, if it looks like you're gambling (we were actually gambling, so we weren't those people). I'm pretty good at knowing my limits when I gamble since I pretty much suck at it. We started off playing some video poker. If you're a slot machine fan, I suggest video poker, because you can play this game for a while (you're basically trying to get Jacks or better). My brother was telling me about craps, and Matt and I looked up the rules on his iPhone on the way down. Why am I taking a standard B-God tangent? Kevin (my brother) told me him and a few buddies played craps one night in Vegas, and read up on it beforehand. When they played the game with some people at the table, one guy was wanting the table to "stay poppin'," and he needed the table "more salty." Neither of us know what the aforementioned means, but it sounded good, so basically when things were going well for any of us, we kept calling it salty. We also added other terms, like "graham crackers, oreos, and ham sandwiches." After a few drinks, Matt and I headed downstairs to play some blackjack. We sit down at a table and start playing. Immediately after we sit down, I notice an odd smell, and by odd I mean rank and horrible. Worse than a chicken coop. I couldn't imagine it was the dealer, and it wasn't Matt or myself, seeing as how neither of us had been stinky the entire day. The guy next to Matt gets up to leave, and once he leaves, Matt says to me "dude, that guy next to me smells terrible." The dealer heard him, and agreed, and apologized that he couldn't do anything. In the meantime, I lost my cash on the table, so I decide to take out more money at one of the reasonably priced ATM's (at $5 mind you). I get back to the table, and Matt had slid down to my seat, leaving an open one between him and Stinky McGee. I step next to the chair and my nostrils are treated with both barrels of this guy's odor. Let me paint a more vivid picture as to how much this guy stunk. Imagine someone not showering for 5 days and then going for a swim. Not just any old swim, but a swim through, oh, I don't know, let's say a swamp. So, no shower for a few days followed by some a nice dip in the Everglades, now imagine if said person decided to get with a dead buffalo in a chicken coop after washing his clothes in a mixture of manure, burnt hair, and Indian food. That all would smell better than this guy (Matt can back me up on this). He finally left, and I took his seat and lost my money that I just took out. OK, God's way of saying not to gamble tonight. I'll just get my money's worth in drinks. I end up exploring the hotel a bit, and run into Stinky in the lobby, who asks me if I had a quarter to borrow. OK, that explains his hygene. He's probably homeless, so I polietely told him no, and moved on. I end up crashing in the room at God knows what time thanks to Brooke. We also got 2 free breakfast buffett coupons since there was construction at the hotel, and whomever won the most money would have to pay for their own breakfast (Brooke and I ended up getting the coupons, and Matt had enough points for a free breakfast). After breakfast, Matt and Brooke went and gambled, and I decided to treat myself to a massage. Man, I needed one of those. I also smelled great afterwards. You're probably wondering why this blog is so dedicated to the olefactory glands, and I honestly couldn't tell you why, other than the dude we met was the smelliest guy ever, and I smelled awesome after my massage, my morning shower (before my massage of course), another shower, a steam, a sauna, another shower (conditioned the hair 3 times), and a shave. We left around 5 that night, and got back to the city around 8. Matt and Brooke took in a really cool show which I've already forgotten the name of.
Saturday we did a bit of tourist stuff (checked out the Apple store on 59th along with FAO Schwartz. That night, we took in a show at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater. It's an improv theater in New York, one of the best to see long form improv (also where I plan on studying starting this month). The show was great. Mostly Harlod-type long form stuff in their first set, then they did another set where they used iPods and CD's from the audience to inspire scenes. The group was called Mother, and they were really good. Later that night, we had beers at this red neck style bar in Chelsea called Trailer Park. Pretty good. My other buddy Adam flew in that night from Atlanta and joined us. We went out after everyone left (those shennanigans will be covered in the next blog). Sunday was Matt and Brooke's last day in New York before heading back to Atlanta, and of course I miss them already, but it was great seeing them. Since it's late, I'll start blogging and adding pictures tomorrow morning.
I've been super-busy at my job, which is good, because I'll be making money. Last Saturday, I ran into a friend's sister at the restaurant (I didn't recognize her at first, just mentioned I knew some guys who used to play football for Georgia Tech. Small world). Meeting a fellow Parkview grad in Times Square of all places, let alone a fellow Atlantan.
I was counting down the days for this past Wednesday. Some of you know why, but if you don't, I'll share. My buddy Matt and his girlfriend Brooke flew into town. I got off work, went home and changed, and went to meet them in Times Square. Man, it was great seeing some familiar faces. For those of you who don't know (though I'd imagine most of you do), Matt and I go back a few years from theater in Atlanta. I'd say him and Stackhouse are my two closest friends. We're also Playing in Traffic Improv guys (for more information, go to www.pitimprov.com because this troupe is the jam). We're pretty much cut from the same mold. So I meet them, and we head to Park Slope in Brookly where they'll be staying. We kept putting Brooke in charge of where we were going, which Matt and I found fun, but Brooke wasn't a fan of. After we dropped their stuff off, we got some burgers and beer at this place that I can't remember the name of. Abell met us down there, and we all had a good time. We then went home and prepared for the next days shennanigans: Atlantic City.
We met up at the Port Authority on 42nd St. and bought our tickets to Atlantic City via the bus. Here's how it works with going to Atlantic City from New York. It's $33 roundtrip, and buses run 24 hours a day, and your ticket is good for 4 days. It's between 2.5 and 3 hours to get there. When you get off the bus, they give you a voucher that you can cash in for $21, so total out of pocket cost for a round trip ticket to Atlantic City is $12. Not to shabby. What's even less shabby is Matt was able to score us a FREE room in Caesar's palace. Yes, I'm going to post pictures as soon as my email receives them from my phone. Chillax folks. So we drop our stuff off and decide to hit a Ruby Tuesday for dinner, then it's time to gamble. Now if you've never been to a casino, one of the perks is that drinks (i.e. "big kid drinks") are free, if it looks like you're gambling (we were actually gambling, so we weren't those people). I'm pretty good at knowing my limits when I gamble since I pretty much suck at it. We started off playing some video poker. If you're a slot machine fan, I suggest video poker, because you can play this game for a while (you're basically trying to get Jacks or better). My brother was telling me about craps, and Matt and I looked up the rules on his iPhone on the way down. Why am I taking a standard B-God tangent? Kevin (my brother) told me him and a few buddies played craps one night in Vegas, and read up on it beforehand. When they played the game with some people at the table, one guy was wanting the table to "stay poppin'," and he needed the table "more salty." Neither of us know what the aforementioned means, but it sounded good, so basically when things were going well for any of us, we kept calling it salty. We also added other terms, like "graham crackers, oreos, and ham sandwiches." After a few drinks, Matt and I headed downstairs to play some blackjack. We sit down at a table and start playing. Immediately after we sit down, I notice an odd smell, and by odd I mean rank and horrible. Worse than a chicken coop. I couldn't imagine it was the dealer, and it wasn't Matt or myself, seeing as how neither of us had been stinky the entire day. The guy next to Matt gets up to leave, and once he leaves, Matt says to me "dude, that guy next to me smells terrible." The dealer heard him, and agreed, and apologized that he couldn't do anything. In the meantime, I lost my cash on the table, so I decide to take out more money at one of the reasonably priced ATM's (at $5 mind you). I get back to the table, and Matt had slid down to my seat, leaving an open one between him and Stinky McGee. I step next to the chair and my nostrils are treated with both barrels of this guy's odor. Let me paint a more vivid picture as to how much this guy stunk. Imagine someone not showering for 5 days and then going for a swim. Not just any old swim, but a swim through, oh, I don't know, let's say a swamp. So, no shower for a few days followed by some a nice dip in the Everglades, now imagine if said person decided to get with a dead buffalo in a chicken coop after washing his clothes in a mixture of manure, burnt hair, and Indian food. That all would smell better than this guy (Matt can back me up on this). He finally left, and I took his seat and lost my money that I just took out. OK, God's way of saying not to gamble tonight. I'll just get my money's worth in drinks. I end up exploring the hotel a bit, and run into Stinky in the lobby, who asks me if I had a quarter to borrow. OK, that explains his hygene. He's probably homeless, so I polietely told him no, and moved on. I end up crashing in the room at God knows what time thanks to Brooke. We also got 2 free breakfast buffett coupons since there was construction at the hotel, and whomever won the most money would have to pay for their own breakfast (Brooke and I ended up getting the coupons, and Matt had enough points for a free breakfast). After breakfast, Matt and Brooke went and gambled, and I decided to treat myself to a massage. Man, I needed one of those. I also smelled great afterwards. You're probably wondering why this blog is so dedicated to the olefactory glands, and I honestly couldn't tell you why, other than the dude we met was the smelliest guy ever, and I smelled awesome after my massage, my morning shower (before my massage of course), another shower, a steam, a sauna, another shower (conditioned the hair 3 times), and a shave. We left around 5 that night, and got back to the city around 8. Matt and Brooke took in a really cool show which I've already forgotten the name of.
Saturday we did a bit of tourist stuff (checked out the Apple store on 59th along with FAO Schwartz. That night, we took in a show at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater. It's an improv theater in New York, one of the best to see long form improv (also where I plan on studying starting this month). The show was great. Mostly Harlod-type long form stuff in their first set, then they did another set where they used iPods and CD's from the audience to inspire scenes. The group was called Mother, and they were really good. Later that night, we had beers at this red neck style bar in Chelsea called Trailer Park. Pretty good. My other buddy Adam flew in that night from Atlanta and joined us. We went out after everyone left (those shennanigans will be covered in the next blog). Sunday was Matt and Brooke's last day in New York before heading back to Atlanta, and of course I miss them already, but it was great seeing them. Since it's late, I'll start blogging and adding pictures tomorrow morning.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Problem Child
I'll have more pictures posted later, but I wanted to dedicate this blog to the New York City DMV. I kind of ranted and raved about them eariler (regarding the fact that they didn't believe that I was born). I went in today with my proof of birth (my birth certificate, not the fact that I was standing there), my Social Security card, and my license which is only 8 months old and valid (since I don't drive). You would think that would be plenty of proof of my existence to the state of New York. I took the eye test and passed, got my photo taken, got my ticket to wait and had my number called in a matter of minutes. Awesome, I'm walking into the DMV 10 minutes before it closes, and I'm going to knock this thing out. I bring everything over to the woman behind the counter, and I was told it wasn't enough "points." Let me explain the point system quickly. You get so many points for each piece of identification. If I had a passport (which I plan on getting very soon for Cruise part 4, we won't get into that), that's worth 6 points. Various other forms of ID make up points (pay stub, EBT card, Union card, etc.). If you move in from out of state, you need your valide license, your Social Security card, and your birth certificate (everything I had), and I go over to turn in my paperwork. The delightful government worker informed me that I didn't have enought ID. So I asked her what else I needed (I still have my UGA ID....don't judge me, we used to get student discounts in Atlanta). I ended up using my debit card and my college ID, and it still wasn't enough (I needed a transcript with it). Her exact words to me when I started asking her what each point value was went as followed: "Are you testing me?!" Unbe-freaking-lievable. Oh, she also told me that my birth certificate was worth a point value of "a big fat zero" (guess she's heard that description a few times in her life). This woman was cut out to work at the DMV. Or the Post Office. Or airport security. I really think the only question they ask when someone applies for a job at the DMV is "Do you have a smug sense of entitlement to go along with an IQ of 75?" I'm so determined to get this thing done, it's ridiculous. I vented to my buddy Brent about it, and then headed back to the ranch. Lena (my 60 year old roommate) made me chicken soup and rice, so that was pretty good. Man, I'm spoiled :)
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