Damn it, I really wanted to keep talking about my vacation. I really did, but it's Super Tuesday, and I need to talk about the election. So we'll take a brief pause on vaction and talk about my voting experience today.
I registered a few months ago, and the state of New York requires party registration (I registered as a Libertarian). So google-mapped (is that even a verb?) my poll location, and it's litterally a block and a half away. The polls opened at 6 am, and I got there about 7 am to vote. Talk about a complete cluster ####. People were litterally just herded into groups in there, and thank God I got there when I did. Had I gotten there later, I would have litterally had to wait 4 plus hours. Couple that with the fact that the voting machines are about 50 years old, and you have the recipe for a beautiful mess. Let's pause for a second. The presidential election is an even you can pretty much set your watch to. I mean, it does sneak up on you every FOUR years. You would think the right people in charge would have the foresight to replace these dinosaur machines. To give you a better idea of what I had to deal with, here are these old school machines. You go behind a curtain, you look at this kind of grid in front of you, and you flip a switch for the person you want to as president, state rep, etc. Once you've done that, you pull a huge lever and that's how you cast your vote. I felt like I was working a cotton gin of sorts, which would make Eli Whitney proud. My biggest concern once I voted was that I did NOT get an "I Voted" sticker. I really like the satisfaction of voting and showing the world I voted, and I didn't see anything like that offered. Maybe they don't give Libertarians stickers for voting, I don't know...and the more that I think about it, I really want one.
I'm not going to wax political here, because I really try to keep this blog free of any political kind of rhetoric (let's just not get into it), but if you asked me who I voted for, if you know anything about me at all, you should be able to surmise that one yourself. If you ask me who I think will win, I think Obama is going to win the election. Watching Fox News now, they're saying McCain needs to win 5 out of the 6 following states (Indiana, Ohio, North Carolina, Virginia, Pennslyvania and Florida). That's a lot, and it's too close to call right now. Who knows. I will say this about America; good for you for getting out and voting. Our electorate had become very appathetic over the past few years, and to see people getting out there and becoming more politically active is good. Now if we can only explain to some of these people how the electoral college works, we'd be cooking. However, I did realize something today about America and Americans. We're essentially a bunch of spoiled teenagers in this country. I'm not saying things can't improve, and I definitely have my gripes with the government, but when you sit back and think about it, we have a lot to be grateful for. We don't have a police state (at least not as of this writing), most of us have a roof over our head, we don't have people starving in this country (obesity and heart disease are two gi-normous problems facing many people in this country, primarily the poor). Oh, and how many teenagers do you see sporting cell phones, ipods, and their own computer? Yeah, exactly. We're just like those spoiled teenagers. The second anythings goes wrong, or if our next proverbial Christmas isn't as good as our last, we bitch and moan. It's a pretty good simile if you think about it. OK, rant off. We'll get back to fun, hilarious vaction stories later this week. End transmission!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Back from vacation, and let's blog. I had a blast with my brother and my closest friends. There truly is nothing like the cruise. We'll be getting into the aforementioned cruise in the next blog, but as you can probably surmise by the title of this blog is going to follow mostly my adventure of getting to Newark Liberty airport. Let's begin at the beginning.
Worked last Friday and Saturday evening and made some nice cash. This cash will be my spending money on the cruise, mainly for gambling, jet skis, gambling, some duty free liquor, and also gambling. Now my flight leaves Newark Liberty on 10/19 at 6:30 am. Typically, I'm a die hard supporter of Air Tran, and I will now tell you why. I fly a lot. Really, a considerable amount for a guy who does whatever the hell it is I do. Having said that, I can only speak from personal experience in that I've never had a serious problem with Air Tran. They are always friendly at the check in counter, they'll often try to get you on an earlier flight if there's room without any fees, and if you're going to be late for a flight, they will give you an honest answer as to if you will get on the flight (mainly so you can save $50-$75 in change over fees). Now think about that. A company more concerned with my happiness as a consumer rather than getting a few extra bucks. The one time I did have a problem with Air Tran, I got bumped from my flight, but they were very apologetic about it and gave me a free roundtrip ticket anywhere in the U.S. to make up for it AND they got me on the next available flight. Problem solved, moral of the story, I love Air Tran.
I am flying Continental on this day. I am flying Continental at 6:30 in the morning out of Newark. I live in Manhattan. What's my solution? Plan ahead of course. I have my money, suitcases are packed, I don't go to sleep, I grab a quick shower then a sandwich from the corner deli and leave for Newark airport. Oh, I forgot to mention, I left my place at 165th and Broadway at 2:30 am to make a 6:30 flight to Miami. I think 4 hours is ample time to get from Manhattan to Nework, even in the wee hours of the morning. The following unfolded.
I take the A train (late on Saturday night means it runs local, which means it hits every stop on the C line). I'm entertained by an insane woman's ranting/what can be described as an attempt at singing. Actually, I'm not really entertained, I more or less tolerate/ignore her. Fortunately, the dumb ass teenagers (i.e. the only people on the planet who actually laughed at movies like "Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie") thought it'd be a hoot to egg her on to keep singing. Yeah, attention will most certainly make this nut job stop. Good strategy. I finally get off at 34th St. Penn Station to take a NJ Path train over to the Garden State. From my earlier research, there's a Path train that's $2 that takes you to Newark Airport, and a shuttle taking you to the actual airport. Got all that so far? Sounds simple enough, there's demand for flying out of Newark, so let's have a train running all hours of the night. Before I make the transfer to train number 2 for the morning, let me pass on this bit of info. If you're walking through Penn Station with suitcases, just get ready to have the ever living #$#@ bugged out of you by every cabby.
Random cab guy: "Hey hey, hey guy, where you go? You need cab?"
Brian: "No man, I'm good, thank you."
RCG: "But where you go, I take."
Brian: "Really, I have it under control, I do appreciate your offer."
RCG: "You go to airport, I get you there 10 minute, 10 minute."
Brian: (not sure if he means 10 minutes or 10 minutes twice, equalling 20 minutes, and forever regretting I opened my mouth to the guy) "How much to Newark airport?"
RCG: "Newark 60, I take for 60."
Brian: "Thanks but I think I'm fine."
It finally took me telling the guy I wasn't willing to pay more than $20 to get from Penn Station to Newark airport, which made him leave in disgust, all though I do appreciate his willingness to shout out lower numbers in a feigned attempt to haggle. Another dude started to follow me up the escalator, and I told him I was good, but finally, I was too cranky to be bothered.
Random Cab Guy 2: "Nah nah, it's cool man, just where you headed?"
Brian: (beginning to really lose his patience) "I'm headed to the end of this escalator. I decided to pack up some personal belongings and take myself on a nice little trip to this escalator, and I'm good. Mission accomplished."
RCG2: ..........
So, I leave cabby heaven and head 2 blocks to where the Path train is and buy my ticket. I get on a train that leaves promptly, but not before getting instructions from a police officer who told me Newark was the last stop. FYI, the train takes you to Newark Penn Station, not to Newark airport like the MTA website suggested. It's quite possible I wasn't really paying attention, who knows, but we'll keep going. I take my second train until the last stop, only to be told that I need to transfer to another train that takes me to another stop in Newark. Talk about convenience. This third train took me to another stop, where I purchased a $7 ticket directly to Newark airport one stop away. However, that train wasn't scheduled to get there until 5:30 am. Awesome, I think to myself, or maybe out loud, who really knows at this point. I take the New Jersey Transit train one stop to Newark Liberty airport, thinking to myself, OK, it's now 5:40, I'm here, I have 1 bag to check, I'm still good. Oh wait, now I need to take an Air Train over to the actual airport. So we're already at 3 trains, plus the last train that took me to my current position and now an Air Train on top of that, bringing us to a grad total of 5 trains. Of course, that takes it's sweet ass time as well. Oh, and the Air Train picks you up at one station, only to drop you off at another station to wait on yet another train (6...6 f'ing trains to get to Newark airport from the "City that Never Sleeps"). Finally, I ask the guy as I'm awaiting my 6th train the following:
Brian: "Hey man, I don't want to seem rude, but I'm trying to catch a flight, how far of a walk is it to the terminal?"
Guy: (breathing deeply and looking with squint-eyed concentration at the terminal)"...hmm, maybe 10 minutes or so."
Brian: (after waiting for 17 minutes for train number 6) "Seriously, 10 minutes? Cause I really don't mind walking that."
Guy: "Yeah, but it is kind of cold. Oh, here comes the train now." (For the record, it was only 55 degrees).
I board the traing wondering how in the hell it's taken me over 3 hours to go roughly 8 miles from where I live. I'm beginning to think that I could've walked it in less time, and I'm not joking. I find the Continental check in desk, and of course there is a line. I told one of the people assisting that I need to catch a 6:30 flight to Miami and I have to check a bag. She immediately got me to a rep, and I'm starting to feel good about Continental.
Brian: "Hi, I tried to check in and it won't let me board. I know I'm running late, but I left at 2:30 this morning, I'm very tired and I just want to check my 1 bag and get on the plane." (I had 2 bags total)
Lady behind the Counter: (comibned look of shock and contempt) "Oh, you're not getting on that flight, you're late." I might be able to get you on a 12:00 flight, which you'll be standby, but it's more likely I can get you out this afternoon."
Brian: (not doing a good job of hiding his frustration) "I really appreciate the offer, but it simply won't work. I'm leaving on a cruise at 3:30 from Miami, and if I don't get on a flight before 11:00 am, I will literally miss the boat. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but I've had a tremendously frustrating time getting here, and I'd greatly appreciate any help you can offer." (Verbatim of what I said).
Counter: "Hold please.....here (handing me a ticket), I got you on a 7:00 am flight to Ft. Lauderdale."
Brian: "I really can't thank you enough. Thank you!"
I think anyone would be pretty frustrated at that point, so I was pretty justified. However, she didn't seem to happy with me, and I immediately was flagged as a "security threat." Oh this is going to be awesome. Most of you know my feeling on the TSA. If you don't, well, here it is: they do just as good a job as any post office or DMV worker.
So I go through their little tests, have wind blown all over me, a guy snaps his glove at me and asks me to take off my belt with my cool belt buckle, I think he means something else, and he didn't appreciate my joke about being gentle, and now I can finally board my plane.
3 hours later, I touch down in Ft. Lauderdale. I go to baggage claim, and I'm fortunate to know that my luggage is not there. I go to the Continental Luggage office, and they ask me if I'm sure. I'm losing all patience at this point as I look around the room and say, "nope, not here."
Other Lady: "Well, it should be. It says so in the computer."
Brian: (thinking to himself) "Oh thank God the computer says that and I'm wrong, because I still don't have my bag!!!"
Finally they inform me it's on the next flight (I'll save you some time...it wasn't). So now I'm kind of freaking out a tad because I'm really particular about my stuff getting lost. Continental was ever so kind to offer 10% off any future Continental flight and a free drink on the flight. Awesome, scratch paper because I'm not flying on your airline again!!! Finally, my luggage turns up (2 and half hours later), and I take a bus over to Miami from Ft. Lauderdale. At this point, I'm pretty attached to my stuff and I don't want it leaving my sight. We drop the first set of passengers off, then our group (those riding on the Valor). Do I have to tell you what happened next? Let me lay out a few options:
A) Brian gets a message saying he booked a national commercial that shoots when he gets back
B) Brian finds a $100 bill in his seat
C) Carnival misplaces the luggage Brian watched them put on the bus
If you guessed C, you're seeing the pattern of how my day went. The bus driver was kind enough to drive me back over to the other port, and of course I fear the worse as some goof ball thinks my luggage looks like his or hers, or some careless porter just takes it and puts it with the others and starts to load it on the other ship. As luck would have it, I got my stuff back and was ready to finally check in for Cruise '08. Oh, and for those wondering about Kevin's trip down. He got bumped to first class and got to the boat way before I did. Unfortunately, his free bump to first class included the seat with too much leg room. Next they probably ran out of macadamia nuts for his hot fudge Sunday, and he probably got digits from a gorgeous model who likes to spend lots of money on her boyfriends. So that concludes getting down there. I should get some pics of the week in a few days, so we'll leave you here now and waiting with antici...............pation.
Worked last Friday and Saturday evening and made some nice cash. This cash will be my spending money on the cruise, mainly for gambling, jet skis, gambling, some duty free liquor, and also gambling. Now my flight leaves Newark Liberty on 10/19 at 6:30 am. Typically, I'm a die hard supporter of Air Tran, and I will now tell you why. I fly a lot. Really, a considerable amount for a guy who does whatever the hell it is I do. Having said that, I can only speak from personal experience in that I've never had a serious problem with Air Tran. They are always friendly at the check in counter, they'll often try to get you on an earlier flight if there's room without any fees, and if you're going to be late for a flight, they will give you an honest answer as to if you will get on the flight (mainly so you can save $50-$75 in change over fees). Now think about that. A company more concerned with my happiness as a consumer rather than getting a few extra bucks. The one time I did have a problem with Air Tran, I got bumped from my flight, but they were very apologetic about it and gave me a free roundtrip ticket anywhere in the U.S. to make up for it AND they got me on the next available flight. Problem solved, moral of the story, I love Air Tran.
I am flying Continental on this day. I am flying Continental at 6:30 in the morning out of Newark. I live in Manhattan. What's my solution? Plan ahead of course. I have my money, suitcases are packed, I don't go to sleep, I grab a quick shower then a sandwich from the corner deli and leave for Newark airport. Oh, I forgot to mention, I left my place at 165th and Broadway at 2:30 am to make a 6:30 flight to Miami. I think 4 hours is ample time to get from Manhattan to Nework, even in the wee hours of the morning. The following unfolded.
I take the A train (late on Saturday night means it runs local, which means it hits every stop on the C line). I'm entertained by an insane woman's ranting/what can be described as an attempt at singing. Actually, I'm not really entertained, I more or less tolerate/ignore her. Fortunately, the dumb ass teenagers (i.e. the only people on the planet who actually laughed at movies like "Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie") thought it'd be a hoot to egg her on to keep singing. Yeah, attention will most certainly make this nut job stop. Good strategy. I finally get off at 34th St. Penn Station to take a NJ Path train over to the Garden State. From my earlier research, there's a Path train that's $2 that takes you to Newark Airport, and a shuttle taking you to the actual airport. Got all that so far? Sounds simple enough, there's demand for flying out of Newark, so let's have a train running all hours of the night. Before I make the transfer to train number 2 for the morning, let me pass on this bit of info. If you're walking through Penn Station with suitcases, just get ready to have the ever living #$#@ bugged out of you by every cabby.
Random cab guy: "Hey hey, hey guy, where you go? You need cab?"
Brian: "No man, I'm good, thank you."
RCG: "But where you go, I take."
Brian: "Really, I have it under control, I do appreciate your offer."
RCG: "You go to airport, I get you there 10 minute, 10 minute."
Brian: (not sure if he means 10 minutes or 10 minutes twice, equalling 20 minutes, and forever regretting I opened my mouth to the guy) "How much to Newark airport?"
RCG: "Newark 60, I take for 60."
Brian: "Thanks but I think I'm fine."
It finally took me telling the guy I wasn't willing to pay more than $20 to get from Penn Station to Newark airport, which made him leave in disgust, all though I do appreciate his willingness to shout out lower numbers in a feigned attempt to haggle. Another dude started to follow me up the escalator, and I told him I was good, but finally, I was too cranky to be bothered.
Random Cab Guy 2: "Nah nah, it's cool man, just where you headed?"
Brian: (beginning to really lose his patience) "I'm headed to the end of this escalator. I decided to pack up some personal belongings and take myself on a nice little trip to this escalator, and I'm good. Mission accomplished."
RCG2: ..........
So, I leave cabby heaven and head 2 blocks to where the Path train is and buy my ticket. I get on a train that leaves promptly, but not before getting instructions from a police officer who told me Newark was the last stop. FYI, the train takes you to Newark Penn Station, not to Newark airport like the MTA website suggested. It's quite possible I wasn't really paying attention, who knows, but we'll keep going. I take my second train until the last stop, only to be told that I need to transfer to another train that takes me to another stop in Newark. Talk about convenience. This third train took me to another stop, where I purchased a $7 ticket directly to Newark airport one stop away. However, that train wasn't scheduled to get there until 5:30 am. Awesome, I think to myself, or maybe out loud, who really knows at this point. I take the New Jersey Transit train one stop to Newark Liberty airport, thinking to myself, OK, it's now 5:40, I'm here, I have 1 bag to check, I'm still good. Oh wait, now I need to take an Air Train over to the actual airport. So we're already at 3 trains, plus the last train that took me to my current position and now an Air Train on top of that, bringing us to a grad total of 5 trains. Of course, that takes it's sweet ass time as well. Oh, and the Air Train picks you up at one station, only to drop you off at another station to wait on yet another train (6...6 f'ing trains to get to Newark airport from the "City that Never Sleeps"). Finally, I ask the guy as I'm awaiting my 6th train the following:
Brian: "Hey man, I don't want to seem rude, but I'm trying to catch a flight, how far of a walk is it to the terminal?"
Guy: (breathing deeply and looking with squint-eyed concentration at the terminal)"...hmm, maybe 10 minutes or so."
Brian: (after waiting for 17 minutes for train number 6) "Seriously, 10 minutes? Cause I really don't mind walking that."
Guy: "Yeah, but it is kind of cold. Oh, here comes the train now." (For the record, it was only 55 degrees).
I board the traing wondering how in the hell it's taken me over 3 hours to go roughly 8 miles from where I live. I'm beginning to think that I could've walked it in less time, and I'm not joking. I find the Continental check in desk, and of course there is a line. I told one of the people assisting that I need to catch a 6:30 flight to Miami and I have to check a bag. She immediately got me to a rep, and I'm starting to feel good about Continental.
Brian: "Hi, I tried to check in and it won't let me board. I know I'm running late, but I left at 2:30 this morning, I'm very tired and I just want to check my 1 bag and get on the plane." (I had 2 bags total)
Lady behind the Counter: (comibned look of shock and contempt) "Oh, you're not getting on that flight, you're late." I might be able to get you on a 12:00 flight, which you'll be standby, but it's more likely I can get you out this afternoon."
Brian: (not doing a good job of hiding his frustration) "I really appreciate the offer, but it simply won't work. I'm leaving on a cruise at 3:30 from Miami, and if I don't get on a flight before 11:00 am, I will literally miss the boat. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but I've had a tremendously frustrating time getting here, and I'd greatly appreciate any help you can offer." (Verbatim of what I said).
Counter: "Hold please.....here (handing me a ticket), I got you on a 7:00 am flight to Ft. Lauderdale."
Brian: "I really can't thank you enough. Thank you!"
I think anyone would be pretty frustrated at that point, so I was pretty justified. However, she didn't seem to happy with me, and I immediately was flagged as a "security threat." Oh this is going to be awesome. Most of you know my feeling on the TSA. If you don't, well, here it is: they do just as good a job as any post office or DMV worker.
So I go through their little tests, have wind blown all over me, a guy snaps his glove at me and asks me to take off my belt with my cool belt buckle, I think he means something else, and he didn't appreciate my joke about being gentle, and now I can finally board my plane.
3 hours later, I touch down in Ft. Lauderdale. I go to baggage claim, and I'm fortunate to know that my luggage is not there. I go to the Continental Luggage office, and they ask me if I'm sure. I'm losing all patience at this point as I look around the room and say, "nope, not here."
Other Lady: "Well, it should be. It says so in the computer."
Brian: (thinking to himself) "Oh thank God the computer says that and I'm wrong, because I still don't have my bag!!!"
Finally they inform me it's on the next flight (I'll save you some time...it wasn't). So now I'm kind of freaking out a tad because I'm really particular about my stuff getting lost. Continental was ever so kind to offer 10% off any future Continental flight and a free drink on the flight. Awesome, scratch paper because I'm not flying on your airline again!!! Finally, my luggage turns up (2 and half hours later), and I take a bus over to Miami from Ft. Lauderdale. At this point, I'm pretty attached to my stuff and I don't want it leaving my sight. We drop the first set of passengers off, then our group (those riding on the Valor). Do I have to tell you what happened next? Let me lay out a few options:
A) Brian gets a message saying he booked a national commercial that shoots when he gets back
B) Brian finds a $100 bill in his seat
C) Carnival misplaces the luggage Brian watched them put on the bus
If you guessed C, you're seeing the pattern of how my day went. The bus driver was kind enough to drive me back over to the other port, and of course I fear the worse as some goof ball thinks my luggage looks like his or hers, or some careless porter just takes it and puts it with the others and starts to load it on the other ship. As luck would have it, I got my stuff back and was ready to finally check in for Cruise '08. Oh, and for those wondering about Kevin's trip down. He got bumped to first class and got to the boat way before I did. Unfortunately, his free bump to first class included the seat with too much leg room. Next they probably ran out of macadamia nuts for his hot fudge Sunday, and he probably got digits from a gorgeous model who likes to spend lots of money on her boyfriends. So that concludes getting down there. I should get some pics of the week in a few days, so we'll leave you here now and waiting with antici...............pation.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
National Lampoon's Halloween Vacation
Because it's almost Halloween and I make up the titles. So here's the life of Brian in a nutshell. I leave for my yearly cruise this Sunday. I didn't make Cruise '06 a couple of years back (because I was planning to move to LA and...nevermind, it's a long story). Me and a few of my boys go on a cruise every year and it's awesome. Let me first clarify that it's my friends and there are females going as well, as I can see how some of your sophomoric minds could construe the previous statement as a tad homo-erotic (i.e. a bunch of guys going on a cruise together). Anyway, moving on...pictures will be posted when I get back. Let's hit some random thoughts:
1. I so want the Rays to put away the Red Sox, but it's pretty damn hard when they don't don't chew their food properly. Seriously guys, the 2007 Mets think you choked Game 5 tonight. Take care of business in Game 6. It's times like this I wish I had a compulsive gambling disorder.
2. Sticking with sports, for all the Atlanta Braves fans out there, how many of us are pointing and laughing at the Dodgers for signing Andruw Jones? Show of hands please. Granted, the did make the NLCS, territory the ATL hasn't seen since 2001, but I'm specifically talking about Jones. $18 million per year, he didn't even hit his weight (hell, he didn't hit Kirstie Alley's weight), didn't hit double digit home runs and finished the season on the DL. Guess $18 mil doesn't get you what it used to. By the way, Andruw you can take off the ski mask and put down the gun now, the robbery is over.
3. UGA vs. Vandy this weekend. I really like that Vandy is ranked, and I'm a tad bummed that they lost last week. I really would've loved for them to be undefeated when we play them. If you're a UGA fan, you'll note that we've dominated Vandy pretty well, but the past few years (the last 2 specifically), we haven't played our best against them (2006 we lost at home, 2007 we needed a last minute field goal to beat them in Nashville). I like our chances this weekend, but Georgia has this bad habit of dominating for a half, shutting it down, then letting their opponent back into the game just enough to not "win convincingly," something that the OU's and the USC's do like clockwork. I also don't understand how when we were ranked #3 and lost to then #8 Bama by 9 we drop out of the top 10, yet then #1 OU loses by 10 to #5 Texas and they're still a top 5 team. Makes a ton of sense.
4. I was shopping at a Marshall's in the Bronx today (if you're not sure what a Marshall's is or you live somewhere near Tatooine, Marshall's is a discount clothing chain that sell all the shit no one else really wants), and I was looking for a bathing suit (which you won't find in NY in October because it's out of season), and I saw something a tad eskew. So I see all this New York sporting good stuff, plenty of Mets/Yankees/Giants/Jets apparel, and all of a sudden, I see a college themed golf set. College football is not as big as it is down south (understatement of the year by leaps and bounds), but it was a Texas Tech golf set. Couple things we have at work here, which I'll outline below:
a) New York, specifically the Bronx....not really known for it's golf, let alone Marshall's being the preferred supplier for all golf related items
b) When it comes to anything....ANYTHING sports merchandise related in this town, it's Yankees, Giants, Mets, Jets, etc. I can go on for quite some time. In essence, New York really likes to jam it's sports teams down your throughts (you'll see it a ton in sporting good stores). Why on earth they specifically chose a random team from the Big XII (no offense to the Red Raiders or Red Raider alumni), but...really?? It reminded me of my friend Mesina who is a Tech alum, so I'm not sure if it was on purpose or if there's a huge Texas Tech following up off 225th St.
5. Fellas, if you buy roll on deoderant, I would avoid purchasing Axe brand (Phoenix scent). Your body odor will definitely resurrect like the creature of ancient mythology (or Fawkes from the Harry Potter series).
6. I'm narrowing down my Halloween costume list. I'll probably be John Lennon one day, Vladimir Lenin another (just to be a wise ass), combine the 2 and be Leon Trotsky on another day (just google his name, I'm not going to explain, and before you ask, pre-hatchett to head...still a bit too soon in my opinion), but I really want to be Dennis Eckersley circa 1992. Or the Dread Pirate Roberts. Or Captain Morgan (from the rum bottles). Or Jack Sparrow. I might even do Wendy (of fast food, Baconator and Frosty fame) with a hyped up pituitary gland, because I have a great time wearing pig tails on the side of my head.
Bed time. See you when I get back. Go Dawgs.
1. I so want the Rays to put away the Red Sox, but it's pretty damn hard when they don't don't chew their food properly. Seriously guys, the 2007 Mets think you choked Game 5 tonight. Take care of business in Game 6. It's times like this I wish I had a compulsive gambling disorder.
2. Sticking with sports, for all the Atlanta Braves fans out there, how many of us are pointing and laughing at the Dodgers for signing Andruw Jones? Show of hands please. Granted, the did make the NLCS, territory the ATL hasn't seen since 2001, but I'm specifically talking about Jones. $18 million per year, he didn't even hit his weight (hell, he didn't hit Kirstie Alley's weight), didn't hit double digit home runs and finished the season on the DL. Guess $18 mil doesn't get you what it used to. By the way, Andruw you can take off the ski mask and put down the gun now, the robbery is over.
3. UGA vs. Vandy this weekend. I really like that Vandy is ranked, and I'm a tad bummed that they lost last week. I really would've loved for them to be undefeated when we play them. If you're a UGA fan, you'll note that we've dominated Vandy pretty well, but the past few years (the last 2 specifically), we haven't played our best against them (2006 we lost at home, 2007 we needed a last minute field goal to beat them in Nashville). I like our chances this weekend, but Georgia has this bad habit of dominating for a half, shutting it down, then letting their opponent back into the game just enough to not "win convincingly," something that the OU's and the USC's do like clockwork. I also don't understand how when we were ranked #3 and lost to then #8 Bama by 9 we drop out of the top 10, yet then #1 OU loses by 10 to #5 Texas and they're still a top 5 team. Makes a ton of sense.
4. I was shopping at a Marshall's in the Bronx today (if you're not sure what a Marshall's is or you live somewhere near Tatooine, Marshall's is a discount clothing chain that sell all the shit no one else really wants), and I was looking for a bathing suit (which you won't find in NY in October because it's out of season), and I saw something a tad eskew. So I see all this New York sporting good stuff, plenty of Mets/Yankees/Giants/Jets apparel, and all of a sudden, I see a college themed golf set. College football is not as big as it is down south (understatement of the year by leaps and bounds), but it was a Texas Tech golf set. Couple things we have at work here, which I'll outline below:
a) New York, specifically the Bronx....not really known for it's golf, let alone Marshall's being the preferred supplier for all golf related items
b) When it comes to anything....ANYTHING sports merchandise related in this town, it's Yankees, Giants, Mets, Jets, etc. I can go on for quite some time. In essence, New York really likes to jam it's sports teams down your throughts (you'll see it a ton in sporting good stores). Why on earth they specifically chose a random team from the Big XII (no offense to the Red Raiders or Red Raider alumni), but...really?? It reminded me of my friend Mesina who is a Tech alum, so I'm not sure if it was on purpose or if there's a huge Texas Tech following up off 225th St.
5. Fellas, if you buy roll on deoderant, I would avoid purchasing Axe brand (Phoenix scent). Your body odor will definitely resurrect like the creature of ancient mythology (or Fawkes from the Harry Potter series).
6. I'm narrowing down my Halloween costume list. I'll probably be John Lennon one day, Vladimir Lenin another (just to be a wise ass), combine the 2 and be Leon Trotsky on another day (just google his name, I'm not going to explain, and before you ask, pre-hatchett to head...still a bit too soon in my opinion), but I really want to be Dennis Eckersley circa 1992. Or the Dread Pirate Roberts. Or Captain Morgan (from the rum bottles). Or Jack Sparrow. I might even do Wendy (of fast food, Baconator and Frosty fame) with a hyped up pituitary gland, because I have a great time wearing pig tails on the side of my head.
Bed time. See you when I get back. Go Dawgs.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Everything I Ever Leared in the World, I Learned from "Saved by the Bell"
I'm just going to quick telling you (if you're still checking this bad boy regularly) that "I promise to update regularly." I sound like someone in D.C. for crying out loud (we'll get to that in a moment.) Oh, I've had a few auditions, things are going fine, blah blah blah...let's have some fun.
Lesson 1: It's perfectly normal for an administrator to spend time with 6 of his students in social settings.
When Penny Belding argued with Principal Belding over her mother staying at the house, Belding follows Screech over to Zack's house, and Belding proceeds to hang out with Zack, Slater, and Screech. He even buys them pizza and spends the night at the Bayside locker room with "all the towels a guy could want." He would also make frequent appearances at the Max, and when Kelly left Zack for Jeff, her boss at the Max, Belding wanted in on the gossip during their photojournalism class. Pefectly normal, acceptable behavior between an adult and his students. Seriously, were Derrick Morris Major Slater too busy selling computers to deal with this dude showing up to hang with their kids?
Lesson 2: Any adult in a position of authority can be easily manipulated.
No one manipulated better than Zack Morris. Seriously, dude got whatever he wanted, and he didn't even have to stoop to using subliminal messages (Oh wait...they did). Zack would appeal to people's greed to or emotions, and pretty much got what he wanted, like when he wanted to throw a baby shower for Mrs. Belding to coincide with his Physics mid-term from Mr. Heimlich. Enter one Richard Belding to help facilitate Zack's request (only to postpone it for the weekend). And before I forget, kudos to Slater for teaching us to take a much needed shower after the baby shower, but before the impending earthquake. I think back fondly on all the showers I took immediately right after school let out at 2:15. I think Miss Bliss could've acted as more of a conscience to Zack, but alas, Zach, Screech, Lisa, Screech, and of course Belding all moved form Indiana to Los Angeles to go to high school. Starting to see a pattern here?
Lesson 3: Sterotypes are real and they 're hilarious.
It's perfectly OK for two of the most popular guys at Bayside to be friends with Screech, so long as he keeps doing stuff to benefit you (see the manipulation above for further clarification). Everything from making fake ID's to stealing a water pump from the school garage, Screech was on it for Zack and Slater. How is poor Screech repaid? By Zack making out with the love of Screech's life, Ms. Lisa Turtle. All though it only lasted one episode, Screech should have grown a pair and stood up to Zach. Hell, let loose your robot Kevin on him, and beat him with his own arms and legs. I'll have more on Samuel Powers later, but I also need to cover guys like Ox (the token jock), who was on the football team, Mawell (the richest, most powerful dork at Bayside), and Violet Anne Bickerstaff (played by a pre-90210 Tori Spelling). Oh, that also reminds me...
Lesson 4: No matter how many times a girl turns you down, just keep trying and holding out hope, because maybe, just maybe one day she might like you back.
Because one thing all women love is a guy who can't take a hint (I'm looking at you Screech). From gluing ears onto the heads of worms to dressing up as a giant heart on a flashback show to inventing the dance "The Sprain" and winning the dance contest at the Max with Lisa, Screech never let up. I was a bit disappointed he didn't pick his favorite love ballad by the band Europe and sing it to her (seriously, no one sings a love song like Joey Tempest). Nowadays, Miss Turtle could easily head over to her local county courthouse and pick up a nice restraining order to solve this problem. Maybe she was insecure and attention starved and she liked to manipulate poor Screech also, who knows.
Lesson 5: No matter what happens between you and your high school significant other, you must remain friends and continue to hang out in the same circle.
Again, because your feelings as a guy don't matter. It's much healthier to be friends with a member of the opposite sex under false pretenses than to say "you know what, you left me for that dude you work for at the Max, Kelly. That's not cool, and we're done. Give me back my buddy band, because evidently, it didn't work." Oh, and if you make a nice gesture, like scoring Raider tickets that cost Slater $100, you're a pig. Again, never mind the fact that a high school kid in the early 90's was able to procure said tickets (which would be considerably higher today, adjusted for inflation and the fact that Slater had no income at all) and he just wanted to spend time with Jessie, he's wrong. So what's the best way to fix this problem? If you guessed dress up in spandex and prance around the fast food joint where you have lunch 5 days a week and probably spend considerable time there on the weekends...oh, and have a mutual friend dress up and impersonate your pissed off girlfriend, you'd be right. Funny how those things work out.
Lesson 6: You can control the space/time continium simply by calling "Time Out."
Pretty bad ass if you think about it, all though Zack didn't use it as much as he could've. Maybe he only got 3 per episode or week, like football. No matter how hard I try, I can't do it (not yet, at least).
Anybody out there watch the debate tonight? Last thing I want to do is turn my blog into something political, but with the election coming up, people are going to talk about it. Let me first say for the record, I have opinions on politics (if you know me really well, you know how I am), and I'm not out to change anyone's mind or anything. I like to look at things a tad differently (I get that from my dad...my brother and I think very much alike). So, while I'm up and writing and waxing philosophical on "Saved by the Bell," let's cover some current events.
Issue 1: The econonmy, specifically the $700 Billion bailout.
I'm no Milton Friedman by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have a take on this hole matter. Let me first start off by pointing out that this bailout is one of the least polarizing issues of the upcoming election, in that pretty much everyone hates the idea of it. Seriously, whether you're a liberal, conservative, democrat, libertarian, independent, republic, progressive, bull moose party, whig, or know-nothing party member, you're not down with borrowing money we don't have to bail out big businesses. Those same people sent a message to the House, which voted down the measure. From a personal stand point, I don't think any business should be bailed out by the government when things go bad, especially when said business's decisions got them in this situation. I've been in shitty situations before, and I'm sure plenty of you who are reading this (all 10 or so of you who still read this bad boy) have been in a crappy financial situation, and the government didn't cut you a check. For the record, if you use one credit card to pay down another credit card, guess what...the debt is still there (since we don't have this money laying around any where, we're essentially doing the aforementioned). I'm not saying something doesn't need to be done, however we as the taxpayers don't need to "invest" in all of these bad mortages(because the government doesn't spend your money, they invest it...sounds better, don't it?). We're going to have to pay this bad boy back someday ("From those according to their abilities...") because so many of these dumb ass banks thought it would be good to loan money to people who normally wouldn't qualify for a $100,000 mortage and are getting $300,000 mortages that they would no way in hell pay back. Now the banks require $700 Billion to remain solvent because so many people are defaulting on loans ("...to those according to their needs."). And that quote? Some dude named Marx wrote about that philosophy back in the 1840's. It was in some kind of Manifesto, or something. Of course, technically, the banks would still be privately owned, with the government telling them what to do, so in all actuallity we call that practice facisim. You know, if we're going to engage in pseudo-marxism, let's freaking do it. Why stop at $700 Billion? Go for a cool trillion, hell get the Fed involved and they can make the first ever trillion dollar bill. Put all of the presidents pictures on it (they can all be having a party, and Grant is passed out in the corner...and you'd have to have 2 differnt, non-consecutive versions of Grover Cleveland). Send that money to the tax payers, and let them circulate it back into the economy. Why stop there? Let's just print more money!!! Problem solved, and the tax payers wouldn't even take the hit.*
*Let the record show that I'm well aware of what would happen to our economy if we introduced a trillion dollars of counterfeit money into circulation, I'm not going to go into all the fun stuff, since this blog isn't about learning, it's about me bitching and moaning...end result would be high taxes and the value of the dollar significantly diminishing.
Issue 2: Healthcare reform.
I think it's pretty safe to say that people want healthcare. It's pretty safe to say that any reasonable person would like to see everyone have healthcare. Again, not trying to convince anyone or sway opinions, but I have my own thoughts, so here we go. Let me state for the record that yes, we need to fix healthcare in America. My issue is that the solution being bandied about right now is to put 1/6 of our national economy under government control (i.e. socialized medicine...FYI, if doctors on on the government payroll, there's no nicer way to say it, it's socialized medicine). So we're going to put the same people who are in charge of the post office, the DMV, and airport security in charge of our healthcare. Hmm.......not sure about that. My reasons? One thing the government doesn't do well is customer service, so you could imagine the bedside manner of these doctors. A possible solution? Keep reading...
We live in an awesome country. I truly love America, I love the free market (maybe to a fault), and I love the Constitution (way better than the Articles of Confederation...no contest). So let's look to the 10th amendment. Most people are familiar with the 1st, 2nd, and 5th, but what's the deal with the 10th? In a nutshell, it basically says "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." Awesome. That's a big one. Oh, what does it mean, and how does it relate to healthcare? Funny you should ask, and here's where the compromise/solution comes in. Let's say people in, oh, I don't know, let's use my current state of New York, let's say the people of New York want the government to pay for their healthcare. Each individual state has it's own government with it's own constitution and its own laws, so if the voters of the state of New York want the state of New York to pay for it, fine. Let the state of New York cover everyone's healthcare costs (through increased taxes), let the state of New York cover the out of network, and if you want to have government healthcare, move to a state that covers it. People who don't necessarily want socialized medicine are then free to live in states that don't have it on a public level. No one is forcing it on people who don't want it, so it's kind of a compromise. It's an option, and I think it's a pretty good idea (since I did come up with it). :)
Sorry, I only covered 2 issues, but I gave you an extra long blog (that's what she said). See you soon.
Lesson 1: It's perfectly normal for an administrator to spend time with 6 of his students in social settings.
When Penny Belding argued with Principal Belding over her mother staying at the house, Belding follows Screech over to Zack's house, and Belding proceeds to hang out with Zack, Slater, and Screech. He even buys them pizza and spends the night at the Bayside locker room with "all the towels a guy could want." He would also make frequent appearances at the Max, and when Kelly left Zack for Jeff, her boss at the Max, Belding wanted in on the gossip during their photojournalism class. Pefectly normal, acceptable behavior between an adult and his students. Seriously, were Derrick Morris Major Slater too busy selling computers to deal with this dude showing up to hang with their kids?
Lesson 2: Any adult in a position of authority can be easily manipulated.
No one manipulated better than Zack Morris. Seriously, dude got whatever he wanted, and he didn't even have to stoop to using subliminal messages (Oh wait...they did). Zack would appeal to people's greed to or emotions, and pretty much got what he wanted, like when he wanted to throw a baby shower for Mrs. Belding to coincide with his Physics mid-term from Mr. Heimlich. Enter one Richard Belding to help facilitate Zack's request (only to postpone it for the weekend). And before I forget, kudos to Slater for teaching us to take a much needed shower after the baby shower, but before the impending earthquake. I think back fondly on all the showers I took immediately right after school let out at 2:15. I think Miss Bliss could've acted as more of a conscience to Zack, but alas, Zach, Screech, Lisa, Screech, and of course Belding all moved form Indiana to Los Angeles to go to high school. Starting to see a pattern here?
Lesson 3: Sterotypes are real and they 're hilarious.
It's perfectly OK for two of the most popular guys at Bayside to be friends with Screech, so long as he keeps doing stuff to benefit you (see the manipulation above for further clarification). Everything from making fake ID's to stealing a water pump from the school garage, Screech was on it for Zack and Slater. How is poor Screech repaid? By Zack making out with the love of Screech's life, Ms. Lisa Turtle. All though it only lasted one episode, Screech should have grown a pair and stood up to Zach. Hell, let loose your robot Kevin on him, and beat him with his own arms and legs. I'll have more on Samuel Powers later, but I also need to cover guys like Ox (the token jock), who was on the football team, Mawell (the richest, most powerful dork at Bayside), and Violet Anne Bickerstaff (played by a pre-90210 Tori Spelling). Oh, that also reminds me...
Lesson 4: No matter how many times a girl turns you down, just keep trying and holding out hope, because maybe, just maybe one day she might like you back.
Because one thing all women love is a guy who can't take a hint (I'm looking at you Screech). From gluing ears onto the heads of worms to dressing up as a giant heart on a flashback show to inventing the dance "The Sprain" and winning the dance contest at the Max with Lisa, Screech never let up. I was a bit disappointed he didn't pick his favorite love ballad by the band Europe and sing it to her (seriously, no one sings a love song like Joey Tempest). Nowadays, Miss Turtle could easily head over to her local county courthouse and pick up a nice restraining order to solve this problem. Maybe she was insecure and attention starved and she liked to manipulate poor Screech also, who knows.
Lesson 5: No matter what happens between you and your high school significant other, you must remain friends and continue to hang out in the same circle.
Again, because your feelings as a guy don't matter. It's much healthier to be friends with a member of the opposite sex under false pretenses than to say "you know what, you left me for that dude you work for at the Max, Kelly. That's not cool, and we're done. Give me back my buddy band, because evidently, it didn't work." Oh, and if you make a nice gesture, like scoring Raider tickets that cost Slater $100, you're a pig. Again, never mind the fact that a high school kid in the early 90's was able to procure said tickets (which would be considerably higher today, adjusted for inflation and the fact that Slater had no income at all) and he just wanted to spend time with Jessie, he's wrong. So what's the best way to fix this problem? If you guessed dress up in spandex and prance around the fast food joint where you have lunch 5 days a week and probably spend considerable time there on the weekends...oh, and have a mutual friend dress up and impersonate your pissed off girlfriend, you'd be right. Funny how those things work out.
Lesson 6: You can control the space/time continium simply by calling "Time Out."
Pretty bad ass if you think about it, all though Zack didn't use it as much as he could've. Maybe he only got 3 per episode or week, like football. No matter how hard I try, I can't do it (not yet, at least).
Anybody out there watch the debate tonight? Last thing I want to do is turn my blog into something political, but with the election coming up, people are going to talk about it. Let me first say for the record, I have opinions on politics (if you know me really well, you know how I am), and I'm not out to change anyone's mind or anything. I like to look at things a tad differently (I get that from my dad...my brother and I think very much alike). So, while I'm up and writing and waxing philosophical on "Saved by the Bell," let's cover some current events.
Issue 1: The econonmy, specifically the $700 Billion bailout.
I'm no Milton Friedman by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have a take on this hole matter. Let me first start off by pointing out that this bailout is one of the least polarizing issues of the upcoming election, in that pretty much everyone hates the idea of it. Seriously, whether you're a liberal, conservative, democrat, libertarian, independent, republic, progressive, bull moose party, whig, or know-nothing party member, you're not down with borrowing money we don't have to bail out big businesses. Those same people sent a message to the House, which voted down the measure. From a personal stand point, I don't think any business should be bailed out by the government when things go bad, especially when said business's decisions got them in this situation. I've been in shitty situations before, and I'm sure plenty of you who are reading this (all 10 or so of you who still read this bad boy) have been in a crappy financial situation, and the government didn't cut you a check. For the record, if you use one credit card to pay down another credit card, guess what...the debt is still there (since we don't have this money laying around any where, we're essentially doing the aforementioned). I'm not saying something doesn't need to be done, however we as the taxpayers don't need to "invest" in all of these bad mortages(because the government doesn't spend your money, they invest it...sounds better, don't it?). We're going to have to pay this bad boy back someday ("From those according to their abilities...") because so many of these dumb ass banks thought it would be good to loan money to people who normally wouldn't qualify for a $100,000 mortage and are getting $300,000 mortages that they would no way in hell pay back. Now the banks require $700 Billion to remain solvent because so many people are defaulting on loans ("...to those according to their needs."). And that quote? Some dude named Marx wrote about that philosophy back in the 1840's. It was in some kind of Manifesto, or something. Of course, technically, the banks would still be privately owned, with the government telling them what to do, so in all actuallity we call that practice facisim. You know, if we're going to engage in pseudo-marxism, let's freaking do it. Why stop at $700 Billion? Go for a cool trillion, hell get the Fed involved and they can make the first ever trillion dollar bill. Put all of the presidents pictures on it (they can all be having a party, and Grant is passed out in the corner...and you'd have to have 2 differnt, non-consecutive versions of Grover Cleveland). Send that money to the tax payers, and let them circulate it back into the economy. Why stop there? Let's just print more money!!! Problem solved, and the tax payers wouldn't even take the hit.*
*Let the record show that I'm well aware of what would happen to our economy if we introduced a trillion dollars of counterfeit money into circulation, I'm not going to go into all the fun stuff, since this blog isn't about learning, it's about me bitching and moaning...end result would be high taxes and the value of the dollar significantly diminishing.
Issue 2: Healthcare reform.
I think it's pretty safe to say that people want healthcare. It's pretty safe to say that any reasonable person would like to see everyone have healthcare. Again, not trying to convince anyone or sway opinions, but I have my own thoughts, so here we go. Let me state for the record that yes, we need to fix healthcare in America. My issue is that the solution being bandied about right now is to put 1/6 of our national economy under government control (i.e. socialized medicine...FYI, if doctors on on the government payroll, there's no nicer way to say it, it's socialized medicine). So we're going to put the same people who are in charge of the post office, the DMV, and airport security in charge of our healthcare. Hmm.......not sure about that. My reasons? One thing the government doesn't do well is customer service, so you could imagine the bedside manner of these doctors. A possible solution? Keep reading...
We live in an awesome country. I truly love America, I love the free market (maybe to a fault), and I love the Constitution (way better than the Articles of Confederation...no contest). So let's look to the 10th amendment. Most people are familiar with the 1st, 2nd, and 5th, but what's the deal with the 10th? In a nutshell, it basically says "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." Awesome. That's a big one. Oh, what does it mean, and how does it relate to healthcare? Funny you should ask, and here's where the compromise/solution comes in. Let's say people in, oh, I don't know, let's use my current state of New York, let's say the people of New York want the government to pay for their healthcare. Each individual state has it's own government with it's own constitution and its own laws, so if the voters of the state of New York want the state of New York to pay for it, fine. Let the state of New York cover everyone's healthcare costs (through increased taxes), let the state of New York cover the out of network, and if you want to have government healthcare, move to a state that covers it. People who don't necessarily want socialized medicine are then free to live in states that don't have it on a public level. No one is forcing it on people who don't want it, so it's kind of a compromise. It's an option, and I think it's a pretty good idea (since I did come up with it). :)
Sorry, I only covered 2 issues, but I gave you an extra long blog (that's what she said). See you soon.
Monday, August 18, 2008
All Dogs Go to Heaven
If you're wondering, I started 301 today, and I had a great time, but today's blog isn't about me. If I haven't spoken to you yet, then you haven't heard the news. On Sunday morning, my dog Sable passed away. Man, that's really hard to see written. So today's blog is going to be more of a tribute to her then anything, because this dog was really special.
I got Sable about 10 years ago. We had taken Shelly back to the breeder we had gotten her from in order to knock her up so we could get another puppy (not that Shelly wasn't great, but we thought she needed a friend, and who better than a son or daughter?). I won't go into details, but it didn't work out as such, and the breeder offered me the option of trying to knock up my dog again or, giving me a puppy. I remember seeing this little gray dog that just loved being chased around the yard, especially by this huge Rotweiller (the Rot really liked this little dog, as she was very gentle when she caught her). I remember asking, "What about her? Can I take her home?" The breeder agreed, and Sable became our new dog. We have this weird thing of naming all of our pets "S" names, and I was really into wrestling at the time, so that's how she got her name. From the moment we brought her home, her and Shelly were inseperable. I swear, it was hilarious to watch them play in our front yard and watch Sable drag Shelly by her tail. Oddly enough, Shelly loved it! One of the first things people would notice about Sable is that she was grey (technical term was "blue mearle"). Even though she looked older, she was the puppy of the two. That, and she would force you to pet her head. If you started to pet her and then you stopped, she would force her head back under your hand and make you pet her. She really was something else.
I'll never forget the time I was headed out of town on a business trip (this is back when I worked for "the man," travelling the country in the closed circuit TV business), and I was driving to Alabama to have Kevin watch the dogs. Shelly sat on my lap (that one looked and played like a puppy until the day she died), whereas Sable, God bless her...let's just say she had a low center of gravity. She wasn't fat, she litteraly just weighed a lot. Not wanting to be outdone by her adopted mother, she decided to crawl up on my shoulders and sit there...the entire trip from Atlanta to Birmingham. I couldn't move her, she was so damn comfortable. A few years later, my dad drove up to Birmingham from Florida to take the dogs to their final home. My dad has an interesting bond with animals. Animals simply love my dad, no matter how tempermental they are with anyone else. To Shelly and Sable, my dad was theirs, and not to be shared with anyone, including our mom. My dad had a heart attack back in 2004, and the best medicine he could've received was the love and affection from those 2 dogs. I couldn't have picked a better doctor or nurse to look after him. After Shelly died, Sable kind of lost a step in her personality, but what she lost there, she knew she had to make up for Shelly. This dog took such good care of my dad, I really can't thank her enough. A few months ago, my mom called me and told me that Sable had had a stroke, and that she was moving slower, and my parents were just making her as comfortable as they could. I recently bought her some pain medicine (and in a beautiful twist of irony, of course it arrived at my parents house today). Anyway, I'd always ask about her when I called, and the answer was always fine. However, I knew she didn't have much time left when my parents called me on Saturday and told me that she had stopped eating and wouldn't take her medicine. When I saw the missed phone call on my caller ID Sunday morning, I didn't even need to listen to my mom's message. The Lord had called Sable home, which brings me to my next point. I don't want to get on a soapbox or espouse my religious beliefs, because I truly respect the beliefs and opinions of others, whether I agree or disagree with said beliefs/opinions. However, I'll say this: I truly believe that all dogs go to heaven, and if you're reading this blog now and you've ever lost a pet, know that he or she is truly in a better place. They don't feel any pain, and they continue to bring joy and love to all those around them. Seriously, could you imagine Heaven without our pets?
"Hi, welcome to Heaven, here's your room key (I have no idea why locks would be needed in Heaven, but just go with it). Heaven is truly the greatest place ever."
"Wow, I made it to Heaven!! This is great, I can see my dog again!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, but there's been a big misunderstanding; we don't allow pets, trash pick up is on Tuesday, and HBO costs extra. However, ESPN is free."
That's not Heaven. By the very definition of the word, pets have to be there, and they are there, and I know Shelly greeted Sable with a big kiss on her wet nose, and they immediately began to chase each other in a great big meadow that God prepared for all dogs. The only difference is, Shelly has her young pup legs, so she can keep up a whole lot better with Sable. And I know they can see and hear me know, and they both know how much they are loved and missed by their family.
I got Sable about 10 years ago. We had taken Shelly back to the breeder we had gotten her from in order to knock her up so we could get another puppy (not that Shelly wasn't great, but we thought she needed a friend, and who better than a son or daughter?). I won't go into details, but it didn't work out as such, and the breeder offered me the option of trying to knock up my dog again or, giving me a puppy. I remember seeing this little gray dog that just loved being chased around the yard, especially by this huge Rotweiller (the Rot really liked this little dog, as she was very gentle when she caught her). I remember asking, "What about her? Can I take her home?" The breeder agreed, and Sable became our new dog. We have this weird thing of naming all of our pets "S" names, and I was really into wrestling at the time, so that's how she got her name. From the moment we brought her home, her and Shelly were inseperable. I swear, it was hilarious to watch them play in our front yard and watch Sable drag Shelly by her tail. Oddly enough, Shelly loved it! One of the first things people would notice about Sable is that she was grey (technical term was "blue mearle"). Even though she looked older, she was the puppy of the two. That, and she would force you to pet her head. If you started to pet her and then you stopped, she would force her head back under your hand and make you pet her. She really was something else.
I'll never forget the time I was headed out of town on a business trip (this is back when I worked for "the man," travelling the country in the closed circuit TV business), and I was driving to Alabama to have Kevin watch the dogs. Shelly sat on my lap (that one looked and played like a puppy until the day she died), whereas Sable, God bless her...let's just say she had a low center of gravity. She wasn't fat, she litteraly just weighed a lot. Not wanting to be outdone by her adopted mother, she decided to crawl up on my shoulders and sit there...the entire trip from Atlanta to Birmingham. I couldn't move her, she was so damn comfortable. A few years later, my dad drove up to Birmingham from Florida to take the dogs to their final home. My dad has an interesting bond with animals. Animals simply love my dad, no matter how tempermental they are with anyone else. To Shelly and Sable, my dad was theirs, and not to be shared with anyone, including our mom. My dad had a heart attack back in 2004, and the best medicine he could've received was the love and affection from those 2 dogs. I couldn't have picked a better doctor or nurse to look after him. After Shelly died, Sable kind of lost a step in her personality, but what she lost there, she knew she had to make up for Shelly. This dog took such good care of my dad, I really can't thank her enough. A few months ago, my mom called me and told me that Sable had had a stroke, and that she was moving slower, and my parents were just making her as comfortable as they could. I recently bought her some pain medicine (and in a beautiful twist of irony, of course it arrived at my parents house today). Anyway, I'd always ask about her when I called, and the answer was always fine. However, I knew she didn't have much time left when my parents called me on Saturday and told me that she had stopped eating and wouldn't take her medicine. When I saw the missed phone call on my caller ID Sunday morning, I didn't even need to listen to my mom's message. The Lord had called Sable home, which brings me to my next point. I don't want to get on a soapbox or espouse my religious beliefs, because I truly respect the beliefs and opinions of others, whether I agree or disagree with said beliefs/opinions. However, I'll say this: I truly believe that all dogs go to heaven, and if you're reading this blog now and you've ever lost a pet, know that he or she is truly in a better place. They don't feel any pain, and they continue to bring joy and love to all those around them. Seriously, could you imagine Heaven without our pets?
"Hi, welcome to Heaven, here's your room key (I have no idea why locks would be needed in Heaven, but just go with it). Heaven is truly the greatest place ever."
"Wow, I made it to Heaven!! This is great, I can see my dog again!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, but there's been a big misunderstanding; we don't allow pets, trash pick up is on Tuesday, and HBO costs extra. However, ESPN is free."
That's not Heaven. By the very definition of the word, pets have to be there, and they are there, and I know Shelly greeted Sable with a big kiss on her wet nose, and they immediately began to chase each other in a great big meadow that God prepared for all dogs. The only difference is, Shelly has her young pup legs, so she can keep up a whole lot better with Sable. And I know they can see and hear me know, and they both know how much they are loved and missed by their family.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Return of the King
OK, I've been lazy about my updates (I almost forgot I had this thing I've been so focused on other stuff), and the title is a bit self glossy, but it's the only thing I could come up with. So, let's hit on th recent stuWhen we last heard from our hero, he had just gotten an agent. There's a difference with exclusivity and signing talent in New York versus Atlanta. There's really no need to go into the finer points of it (if you have any questions, shoot me an email and I'll be happy to answer as best I can).
Also, now that the cat is out of the bag, yes, I did make a surprise return to Atlanta this past week. There was a bunch going on (my buddy Matt's 30th birthday, Chapman's last show at Whole World, and my friend Ashley's going away party). If you know me or anything about me, you'll know that if I'm a terrible secret keeper and an even worse hider. So Chapman, Matt, Stack, and I decided to have me make a surprise appearance at the Playing in Traffic Improv Show this past Sunday (we also made a trip to New Orleans this past weekend, but that's another blog). I flew in last Saturday (after being denied boarding on my flight which resulted in a later flight AND a FREE roundtrip ticket anywhere in the US). So I arrive in the ATL amidst many calls of "so are you coming in town?, etc." Keep in mind, I don't like lying to my friends, but the mission was at stake. Fast forward to Sunday, and here's the gameplan. I rode over to the studio in Brooke's trunk (that's what she said....oh, and she's Matt's girlfriend, who was also in on the whole thing). Chapman has the folks who are working the show in Nick's office so I can sneak in and hide under a table backstage (this is all happening about 45 minutes before the show). First shot at this whole thing, the door is locked, so back in the trunk for me. Chap gets the door open, I burst out of the trunk and high-tail it backstage and no one sees me. Now the next step in the plan (other than me having to be quiet and still for almost an hour). The game that I was going to enter was called "1, 2, 3." Essentially, it's 3 players, and the emcee manipulates how many people he (or she) wants on stage. If 3 players on stage and he calls "1," 2 need to justifiably leave. If he (or she) then calls "2," another player must justifiably enter. OK, good, so you get the set up. Now, the game was going to involve Matt, Stack, and Kelly Coker. If you know Coker, her and I are very close and she's also one of the most excitable people you will meet. I thought it'd be hilarious to surprise her for Matt's birthday (the reaction being the gift...can't put a price tag on that). Now, the other X-factor involved was the 2 other troupe members in the bull pen, Dave and Lara. Chapman was going to call "1" at some point in the scene, and Stack and Matt had to exit over by me, and after a few moments he was going to call "4," and I would enter back on and surprise Kelly. Now Dave and Lara being the good improv actors they are, if they had heard "4," they'd be on it in a heartbeat. So, to make sure they wouldn't enter, Chapman told them that he would be entering the scene on "4," and to just wait. OK, so that brings us up to the actual game. It's going on for a good 2 minutes or so (an improv enternity), and finally Chapman calls "1," and Matt and Stack tell Coker that they're both leaving, and they exit by me (oh, the set up for the scene was that it was a high school reunion, and Matt had established that they were the class president, vice president, and treasurer, respectively). After a good 30 seconds of Coker on stage, "4" is called, and Matt, Stack, and myself come back, and the audience was shocked. I was convinced Coker would've laughed her head off, but instead she started crying. Now that's an honest reaction (and in case you're wondering, I was Todd, the class parliamentarian, ready to bring back the discipline). The whole thing couldn't have gone any better, and I had a great time seeing everyone and catching up. Incidentaly, if I didn't get a chance to see you, and you feel slighted or peeved that I didn't tell you ahead of time, I'm sorry. A lot of planning went into this week, and Matt's one of my closest friends, and it was his 30th birthday. However, I only had a few days, so again, my 30th is coming up soon, and it's going to be an 80's prom in Atlanta (unless you all want to fly to New York, which might be kind of a cluster f---. So, until November...in the mean time, I had a great time, I miss and love you all....oh, and here's a few photos from the shennanigans post show. En-JOY!!!
OK, this is the kind of ridiculousness that I'm accustomed to. From left to right, that's Stack (aka Ringo), Vinnie (aka George), me (aka John), and the man of the hour Matt (aka Paul), and we just sold our 200th car...it's an inside joke.
That's me with my brother, Kevin. Yes, the resemblance is uncanny. Also, his couch is very comfortable, and he'll be visiting me at the end of August for Labor Day. Can't wait.
That's me with my Coker, Stack, Vinnie, Matt, and his girlfriend Brooke. Kelly is so great. Her favorite pastime is to tickle me and my brother, but not at the same time.
Why do I make such faces when I'm getting my picture taken? That's Jen to the left, with Chapman's girlfriend Jennifer, Jeff to her right, and Brian Chapman in teacher mode on top.
That's Nick to my left. He's the owner of the Professional Actor's Studio in Buckhead. Nick's quite a character, and I'm very proud that I studied at his studio, because Nick genuinely cares about his actors, and I made some of my best contacts and life long friends at his studio. I owe alot to that place.
Me and Matt. This one just pretty much speaks for itself.
Me, Kelly, and Wendy (aka Mrs. Dave). I can't say enough good things about these two.
Once again, a good shot of Stack, Vinnie, me, Brooke, and Matt. You should've noticed by now that I'm wearing a rockstar bandana in these shots. My hair is super long and it gets in my face and cutting it is not an option (unless my agent tells me so).
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A Long Awaited Update
Time to break from tradition a bit (oh, by actually UPDATING my blog? Yeah, I know...but I have a valid reason). OK, so if you check Facebook, follow this thing, or talk to me, I mentioned that I had something pretty exciting in the works, and following up on my brother's advice (don't be the guy who talks about "I'm going to....," be the guy that says "I just did....,"). His sentiments were followed up by my good friend and fellow actor Tom Thon. So what did I just do? Let's set the stage and begin a tangent like only yours truly can bring you.
My very good friend Alicia Murton has a good friend who is an agent with one of the bigger agencies in New York (no, I'm not going to name drop the aforementioned agents). You know what, I can't hold it in, I had a metting with commercial division of Innovative Artists here in New York, and the meeting could not have gone any better!!! I'm still in a bit of shock, but I have a New York agent. It's super late, and I've been up since 7am, but I'm with them for commercials free lance (my actor buddy Allison explained what it means, and it's good). I'll go into further detail later this week, but THANK YOU ALL for your kind words, your prayers, and everything else. I'm truly blessed!!!
My very good friend Alicia Murton has a good friend who is an agent with one of the bigger agencies in New York (no, I'm not going to name drop the aforementioned agents). You know what, I can't hold it in, I had a metting with commercial division of Innovative Artists here in New York, and the meeting could not have gone any better!!! I'm still in a bit of shock, but I have a New York agent. It's super late, and I've been up since 7am, but I'm with them for commercials free lance (my actor buddy Allison explained what it means, and it's good). I'll go into further detail later this week, but THANK YOU ALL for your kind words, your prayers, and everything else. I'm truly blessed!!!
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