The Declaration of Dependence

When in the course of human events it becomes clear that the prodigal son has wandered too far away from what is really best for him, it is necessary for said proverbial prodigal son to return home. When using the term "home," it should be recognized that the only home is mother England who knows what's best for her prodigal child. The current United States of America needs the United Kingdom now more than ever.

We hold these truths to be self-evident. That all men were created equal under their respective Creator, holding such inalienable rights. Rights such as the right to a job, the right to a house, but not just any house, a nice house with at minimum 1.5 bathrooms and 2 bedrooms for at least 2 people (if more than 2 people reside in said house, we just extrapolate these numbers to fit the right number of people), the right to healthcare (by healthcare, we mean free plastic surgery, free gastric by-pass, free operations, and free drugs whenever and where ever we need them), free clothes, free cable, free wi-fi, free coffee, free food, free bed-time stories, free massages, free transportion, and last but not least freedom from arms. We also left out security, because we also realize that freedom is totally overrated, and it's more important to be secure than free. It should also be understood that you wanted this for us from the get go, and we thought we knew better. Prior to 1776, you ran a pretty tight ship and people were very secure. Unfortunately, we fought in the most unnecessary war in this nation's history by fighting in the Revolutionary War (aka British Vietnam) and won (accidentally), and it took 11 years to draft the Constitution once we declared our independence. Think of all the lives lost in that senseless war led by early "American" terrorists George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, and Benjamin Franklin. Had we just used diplomacy and realized that the United Kingdom wanted what is best for us, we wouldn't be having the problems we have now under our current administration and our current economy.

The history of the current American president is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all screwing with our current economy/well-being. To prove this accusation, let us prove this to an entire cyber-world:

George W. Bush is a Nazi, a racist, and an elitist. He also destroyed our economy all by himself. It was all his fault, no one else but his. It wasn't the fault of banks lending to sub-prime lenders, it had nothing to do with people living outside of their means, it had nothing to do with a Congress that wanted to placate to their constituants, it had nothing to do with our own sense of wanting more and our "entitlement" lifestyle. It was 100% George Bush's fault, since he is the president and he makes all of the decisions.

George Bush is the reason for all of our problems. Government is benevolent and will only help others. We're not funding things enough under our current economy, ergo our current situation. It's the prime reason why the current United States of America should re-colonize and become part of Britain.

Under our current free market economy, we've royally (no pun intended) screwed up, and we realize the error of our ways. The free market just doesn't work anymore, and we believe that we are stronger together than we are apart. We would be 50 colonies strong for the United Kingdom, making us even more united under said current system.

We've had a Civil War. We clearly can't agree with our selves, as at one poit there were 3 seperate countries (not all at once) on this land (the Unites States, the Republic of Texas, and the Confederate States). We can't decide what's right for us, so we need you know.

Oh, and he also rapes babies and murders kittens (allegedley).

All in all, if you would be so inclined, these 50 states (which will become colonies if you see fit), would like to be absolved into the United Kingdom. Let's forget about the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812, and know that we will be ultimately better off under a United Kingdom. This declaration isn't an official declaration, but just the the ramblings of a mad man.

By the way United Kingdom, we're sorry, our bad, please forgive us and let us back in and make it all better.

Sincereley,
The United States

Brian Godleski