Sin City

I'm going to stop making promises about updates (even if you are still following this thing, I commend you for your patience). Anyway, I just got back from Las Vegas with Matt, Stack, and Kevin. I never take pictures, even though I'm a proud owner of a Kodak Easyshare camera, but I digress. Anyway, let's review my weekend in Vegas, or Spring Break '09.

I actually could not sleep a wink the night before I left. Seriously, it was like I was 17 years old again waiting for Christmas to arrive. The last time I was in Vegas, it was 2001 with my then girlfriend. We drove up from LA, and...screw it, this is about this weekend. Sorry for getting sidetracked.

I took a cab to the airport, got some breakfast, and got on my flight. Since I was flying AirTran, I had to catch a connecting flight in Atlanta, which is always a bit weird for me to come back to. Everything looks so familiar, yet so different. Anyway, I get on my flight, and thank God for the video iPod, because there is nothing better than watching multiple episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and "Entourage."*

*I realize I just wrote that "there is nothing better than ____________." Let the record show that I do believe that there are better experiences in life, watching TV shows/movies on a video iPod is a pleasureable experience.

I land in Vegas, and go to baggage claim, and a particular advertisement catches my eye. It's Wayne Brady's new show that's playing at the Venetian (titled "Making &*&%$ Up). A quick reminder will tell you that this is the show I was in the running for a few months back. In case you're wondering, we didn't get a chance to see it (I'm getting there).

I take the shuttle over to the Imperial Palace, where Matt had a free room for us (he's a Harrah's Platinum card member, so he rack's up a ton of points). We grabbed a bite at PF Changs, and then had a few beers (Vegas has no open container law, so you can just wander around with whatever drink you like). Later that night, I got to spend time with Isabella, who now resides in Vegas. I met her back in Atlanta, and she's someone whom I've always had a very special bond with. We hit Mandalay Bay and other assorted Vegas hotspots, and had a great time. The next two days were spent at the craps table with Matt. If you've been reading my facebook status, I enjoy letting the world know the degree of "saltiness" a table has. I won't get into it too much, but it's a good thing (Kevin heard some guys a few years back at a table talking about "keeping it salty." No one knew what it meant). Casino Royale has a $3 table that was great. I shot horribly, but Sunday night, Kevin arrived. Before I continue, if you're wondering about Stack's whereabouts, he could've been found at the roulette wheel back a the hotel. Moving on.

By this point in my gambling, I was only down about $40 or so. Not bad, considering I brought $500 to play with (which means, I was willing to lose that amount). Kevin, Matt, and I hit the $3 table at Casino Royale, and that's where things turned.

Between the 1st time shooter next to me, Kevin, and the guy next to him, I killed it. The lady next to me rolled for about 20 minutes, and Kevin and the guy next to him rolled for almost an hour. They hit EVERYTHING. It was ridiculous. I've never seen anything like it. Once we got up a good ways, we decided to see Old Vegas, which is down on Fremont Street.*

*If you've never been to Vegas, you've seen Fremont St. It has the neon cowboy pointing to his back with the thumb, and it has an LCD screen covering the street.

We got down there, and tried to find some cheap gambling. In my confident state, I found a $5 craps table, and proceeded to lose $91 in the blink of an eye. Not cool. Since there wasn't much going on down in that neck of the woods, we decided to hit the MGM Grand back on the strip.

Kevin told us about this mechanical horse racing game. In a nutshell, you bet at least a quarter on these mechanical horses racing in a circle. You're betting on the top 2 finish combination*

*Since the numbers can't repeat, it's a statistical combination. If they were able to repeat, it's a permutation, which is one of the reasons I say "locker permutation" instead of combination. It's a pet peeve of mine.

The game pays out odds based on the winners. So if you bet 2 quarters on a 2-4 combo to win, and they win and it pays 7, you win 14. Make sense? I hope so, because I really can't think of an easier way to explain it.

There's no rhyme or reason or strategy in this game. Press a bunch of buttons, and yell at your horses to win. It's an entertaining game by itself, but what made the game even better was this guy at the end of the table. He was a self-proclaimed expert at the game. Every time a horse combo won, he would exclaim "Just like I expected." Hilarious. It's funnier if you were there, if you could just picture this guy dispensing his advice with all the seriousness of an ESPN "bracketologist," or Mel Kiper on the draft. He claimed he'd been playing this game for 9 years, which raised the question of why he hasn't graduated onto something better than 25 cent horse racing. Kevin thought it'd be hilarious to give me his advice, and told me to bet on a 2-4 combo, and that he bet 5 quarters on it. Once you make a bet, you can't take it back. Oh, and it paid like 68 to 1 or something. The joke was on Kevin, as it hit.

On our way back to Casino Royale for more craps, we're walking down the strip and some Asian tourists started pointing at Kevin. They ran up to him and started asking "tim-bah-lay?" over and over. After a few moments, I asked "Timberlake?" and they pointed at him and nodded. You should now see where this is going. Kevin got mistaken for Justin Timberlake by these tourists. So what's an improv guy to do, but say "yes, and." Unfortunately they didn't have a camera. I know, I could make a very easy joke right here, but I'll pass. I think we made these kids day, because they're going back home to tell everyone they met Justin Timberlake.

Vegas was a blast. I ended up getting on the plane with more money than I left with, Kevin just left yesterday. For those of you wondering how he did, he came in with $100 to play with, and when I last talked to him, he was up $1100. I think he found his calling.